Day 20 - Saturday 6th Oct 2018
(Time:4am on 7Oct) - (Cycle 3 - Day2 - Start of 5 Loops)
(Some Epiphanies at the end.)
Friday evening ate, stayed awake till 6am flight on 6th. Didnt have 5-6hours at all to listen to the 5loops as yet.
Landed in Europe around 12pm - got to apartment, unpacked, friend came over, chilled, went out for coffee.
Tired from no sleep and didnt eat.
6pm fell asleep and played 5 loops
Woke around midnight and now its 4.50am as I type this.
I ate and from listening to the 5 loops (via my A2+ Audioengine speakers) I dont feel any different.
Some interesting Epiphanies:
1) So I have been watching/binging on some episodes of supernatural. In 1 particular episode, they made it very much closer to a horror film than normal. In the episode there was a man in a mask, a ghost that emerged and disappeared tormenting a young high schoolboy. The mask nor the man himself scared me but a thought occured to me due to what happened to the boy and it seriously woke every single goosebump I had and send shivers through me so I knew I had to report it for @Shannon
The boy was paralysed with fear and couldnt shout. He couldnt call out for help. He just couldnt do it. I have imagined this fear many many times growing up. I say imagined because I dont believe I have IRL been in a situation like this or I dont remember but I have both dreamt myself many times in these kind of scenarious and often I have as a teen imagined how embarassed I would feel being in a fight and unable to perform to survive. I mean as a teen I would often imagine myself as the saviour/hero of my own story and fantasy and other times imagine if I was fighting the class bully etc how I would do it yet I often felt that I would be embarassed. Doesnt make sense and now I feel im combining 2 different things here, 1 of the fearful inability to call out and now 1 of social embarassment at how silly I would look fighting. The latter has come now simply from typing the former lol
Anyway these goosebumps I felt brought all this back to me.
2) On the plane, I dont know why or at what point but I realised a fear that I have of studying stems or MUST stem from (after some automatic, sudden, self analysis that I didnt consciously do) a lack of belief that I can study and learn material. A belief that no matter how much I will read words on a page I simply wont remember it.
This is bizarre since I consciously believe that I am clever and everyone around me can see my intelligence. Many have and still do show me in compliments or body language how they see my intellect and wisdom and so do I or so I believe.
On the plane I was sleeping for most of the trip, in and out of sleep so im assuming my subC was more able to speak to me - im really speculating here for I dont really know if this is all the case or simply me trying to rationalise what was perhaps nothing but im sharing as usual for @Shannon .
So on the plane, at some point I thought back to when during the age of 15 I was doing the final exams at school for that year and how that was the year I made some real effort to study. Nevertheless even after doing what I thought was "studying" I did improve considerably but not all the way to the top as I should have done or rather the expectation I had of myself based upon what I felt was a high increase in time and effort spent on reading.
On the plane, I figured out that if I stopped myself from trying (not consciously but subC via fear which always reared its head as procrastination) then the fear itself must be that I must obviously subC belief I cannot study, cannot learn, cannot retain information, am a poor student etc.
I dont know if this is UMOP 5loops, or if its UMOP 1 loop or neither and its simply me having random thoughts or specific realisations but im sharing.
C) I also know that 1 area where I MUST have learnt to put high expectations upon myself as well as perhaps where some of my perfectionism comes from is from a scene in the movie The Young Sherlock Holmes. It was a movie I saw as a kid and the scene was in which holmes is about to smash his violin, because he believed he should have mastered the musical instrument already within a very short space of time. I loved that movie because growing up I believed I was just as intelligent as him, and I also loved thrillers and mind teasing puzzles and detective movies because I loved to also be intelligent to try and solve the mystery from the clues (which I rarely did lol). Im sharing this because again whilst typing this point C, came to mind. Im sharing the scene so you can watch and see what I mean.
I also loved the film because like back to the future, there were elements as a young boy I just didnt understand/get and thus would watch to know because I wanted to learn. I hated to be known as the young niave innocent boy, i wanted to be the clever smart savvy boy instead.
Heres the scene: (refresh the page if you dont see it - sometimes its not loaded up but I have added it in the space below this sentence).
Time is now 5.11am, at some point I will head back to sleep and will get the 5 loops for Sunday 7th October during the sleep.
Thank you.
Edit: ps: I want to apologise in advance if what I wrote above made little sense to @Shannon or others. It isnt easy to know how to express clearly what I want to nor what to share anonymously as well as share what is relevant to what may be deemed irrelevant. But I hope this all helps.
Another Quick Edit: Not sure how relevant this is but my sex drive seems to have reduced alot before 5 loops too. It could be UMOP 1 loop or maybe not but again sharing for @Shannon
(Time:4am on 7Oct) - (Cycle 3 - Day2 - Start of 5 Loops)
(Some Epiphanies at the end.)
Friday evening ate, stayed awake till 6am flight on 6th. Didnt have 5-6hours at all to listen to the 5loops as yet.
Landed in Europe around 12pm - got to apartment, unpacked, friend came over, chilled, went out for coffee.
Tired from no sleep and didnt eat.
6pm fell asleep and played 5 loops
Woke around midnight and now its 4.50am as I type this.
I ate and from listening to the 5 loops (via my A2+ Audioengine speakers) I dont feel any different.
Some interesting Epiphanies:
1) So I have been watching/binging on some episodes of supernatural. In 1 particular episode, they made it very much closer to a horror film than normal. In the episode there was a man in a mask, a ghost that emerged and disappeared tormenting a young high schoolboy. The mask nor the man himself scared me but a thought occured to me due to what happened to the boy and it seriously woke every single goosebump I had and send shivers through me so I knew I had to report it for @Shannon
The boy was paralysed with fear and couldnt shout. He couldnt call out for help. He just couldnt do it. I have imagined this fear many many times growing up. I say imagined because I dont believe I have IRL been in a situation like this or I dont remember but I have both dreamt myself many times in these kind of scenarious and often I have as a teen imagined how embarassed I would feel being in a fight and unable to perform to survive. I mean as a teen I would often imagine myself as the saviour/hero of my own story and fantasy and other times imagine if I was fighting the class bully etc how I would do it yet I often felt that I would be embarassed. Doesnt make sense and now I feel im combining 2 different things here, 1 of the fearful inability to call out and now 1 of social embarassment at how silly I would look fighting. The latter has come now simply from typing the former lol
Anyway these goosebumps I felt brought all this back to me.
2) On the plane, I dont know why or at what point but I realised a fear that I have of studying stems or MUST stem from (after some automatic, sudden, self analysis that I didnt consciously do) a lack of belief that I can study and learn material. A belief that no matter how much I will read words on a page I simply wont remember it.
This is bizarre since I consciously believe that I am clever and everyone around me can see my intelligence. Many have and still do show me in compliments or body language how they see my intellect and wisdom and so do I or so I believe.
On the plane I was sleeping for most of the trip, in and out of sleep so im assuming my subC was more able to speak to me - im really speculating here for I dont really know if this is all the case or simply me trying to rationalise what was perhaps nothing but im sharing as usual for @Shannon .
So on the plane, at some point I thought back to when during the age of 15 I was doing the final exams at school for that year and how that was the year I made some real effort to study. Nevertheless even after doing what I thought was "studying" I did improve considerably but not all the way to the top as I should have done or rather the expectation I had of myself based upon what I felt was a high increase in time and effort spent on reading.
On the plane, I figured out that if I stopped myself from trying (not consciously but subC via fear which always reared its head as procrastination) then the fear itself must be that I must obviously subC belief I cannot study, cannot learn, cannot retain information, am a poor student etc.
I dont know if this is UMOP 5loops, or if its UMOP 1 loop or neither and its simply me having random thoughts or specific realisations but im sharing.
C) I also know that 1 area where I MUST have learnt to put high expectations upon myself as well as perhaps where some of my perfectionism comes from is from a scene in the movie The Young Sherlock Holmes. It was a movie I saw as a kid and the scene was in which holmes is about to smash his violin, because he believed he should have mastered the musical instrument already within a very short space of time. I loved that movie because growing up I believed I was just as intelligent as him, and I also loved thrillers and mind teasing puzzles and detective movies because I loved to also be intelligent to try and solve the mystery from the clues (which I rarely did lol). Im sharing this because again whilst typing this point C, came to mind. Im sharing the scene so you can watch and see what I mean.
I also loved the film because like back to the future, there were elements as a young boy I just didnt understand/get and thus would watch to know because I wanted to learn. I hated to be known as the young niave innocent boy, i wanted to be the clever smart savvy boy instead.
Heres the scene: (refresh the page if you dont see it - sometimes its not loaded up but I have added it in the space below this sentence).
Time is now 5.11am, at some point I will head back to sleep and will get the 5 loops for Sunday 7th October during the sleep.
Thank you.
Edit: ps: I want to apologise in advance if what I wrote above made little sense to @Shannon or others. It isnt easy to know how to express clearly what I want to nor what to share anonymously as well as share what is relevant to what may be deemed irrelevant. But I hope this all helps.
Another Quick Edit: Not sure how relevant this is but my sex drive seems to have reduced alot before 5 loops too. It could be UMOP 1 loop or maybe not but again sharing for @Shannon
OF3 5.75.7G 13/15Vol
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
1L-2O/3OF; (1L-2/2 5/6); (2L 19/6); (3L 27/6); (4L 9/7); (H4L 25/7)
W 19 May
MLS 5.5G: ≈70days x2, IYGSH: 54, E2: 78+48, DMSI 3.2: 56 & 22, UMOP1: 57+UMOP2: 33 = 90+10 US v12/15=100, OF: 45, OF2: 56days
