DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

You seem to have a keen sense of understanding people. As if you have a background in psychology. This gives you the advantage to be manipulative, if you wanted to be. You seem to be a kind person, so kind that you're afraid that you will become an abuser if you allow yourself the freedom to say "no" and stop putting other people before you. I think that you're too "educated" in your understanding of people to go from one extreme to the other.

You have to live your life and enjoy it. It's great to be liked and be charismatic, but it's more important to be respected. You can be liked and be respected, but you need to respect yourself enough first for others to respect you. Not everybody is going to like you, that's just part of life. When you are liked because you are sacrificing who you are to please others, you will find that when you stop "helping" them, that some of these people didn't even like you anyway. They were just using you. They will ditch you and find someone else to use. I'd say good ridance!

You seem like a great person. You will never be a sociopath or a narcissit.

Thanks Infinite, the advice and kind words are much appreciated. It really lifted my mood today when I read it.

Interestingly enough, I have a friend who recently attempted suicide (he's fine now, undergoing therapy and stuff, it seems to be working out well for him; I'll give him some time yet and probably introduce him to Shannon's subs once I feel he's stabilized enough and off any meds, he's almost ready to try these, I think; the 5.5g LTU that's in the works should probably do him good - I don't think he's ready for DMSI, for instance), mentioned in my journal some time back.

One of his therapists gave him the good 'ol "stoic sage" advice of "the fact that you are experiencing a particular emotion does not mean you need to act on it. Act rationally, above emotions" or somesuch, of which he complained to me by saying "but that's, like, turning myself into a psychopath!" (I was like: "a-ha! a classic resistance attempt ") I attempted to explain that it's apples and oranges, and he did seem to get it, or at least consider it.

From other stuff, I had to undergo a similar reevaluation as you are now doing, matt422, and am still in the process of enacting it. It can be difficult at times due to the fact that the "people pleasing" aspect is directly tied to survival (as a little kid you don't stand a chance of surviving on your own, so kids tend to adjust their behavior in many ways to please those around them so that they won't be "left to die", so to speak - and if one were *trained* to act like this "or else bad things will happen", well, it leaves a behavioral imprint), but even the fact of realizing this is a great step forward on the road to awesomeness.

Thanks for weighing in on this. I've gotten better at being more non-reactive to my emotions. But it's taken a lot of careful observations and practicing being mindful. Actually I had to learn to accept my emotions first, for a large portion of my life I was quite numb. So when I started paying more attention to them they really came flooding in for me and I wasn't prepared for it. But it's like you said these are very deep behavioral imprints and are very strong instincts.