09-30-2018, 07:49 AM
I've realized what's been weighing heavy on my mind and might have contributed to that panic attack on the plane. Money and survival.
I've been at this job for a year now and even though I've learned a lot, I just don't feel like a valuable asset. I didn't have the time to build my skills when I was younger because I suffered from all types of nasty problems like depression, anxiety, dissociation, they just all messed up my ability to navigate the world correctly. So I feel really behind, but I'm an adult at 27 and should be fully functional and capable right now.
This is what gets to me. I'm doing my best, but my circumstances growing up weren't ideal. I mean I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but it's hard in the workforce. I can't cram 4 years worth of knowledge into my head in a year, so the skill gap just takes time. But time when you're an adult is not the same as time when you're a kid.
Never mind the fact that the career I'm in isn't something I'm really passionate about. And if I were to keep pushing myself to get better it would be for the bigger paycheck. At which point I probably wouldn't be happy despite living somewhat comfortably because the job would be like a ball and chain that weighs me down.
I guess some people's goal is that financial security, raising a family, owning a house, etc. That's their goal, that's their motivation. But I don't know what it is for me. I don't have a strong pull to those things. I need a goal to work towards, but I just know that's not a strong motivator for me.
Maybe I need to buy life tune up for myself when it comes out. I just feel like the path I'm on now is one based out of fear vs genuine desire. At the same time I'm having trouble breaking out of it.
I've been at this job for a year now and even though I've learned a lot, I just don't feel like a valuable asset. I didn't have the time to build my skills when I was younger because I suffered from all types of nasty problems like depression, anxiety, dissociation, they just all messed up my ability to navigate the world correctly. So I feel really behind, but I'm an adult at 27 and should be fully functional and capable right now.
This is what gets to me. I'm doing my best, but my circumstances growing up weren't ideal. I mean I'm not supposed to compare myself to others, but it's hard in the workforce. I can't cram 4 years worth of knowledge into my head in a year, so the skill gap just takes time. But time when you're an adult is not the same as time when you're a kid.
Never mind the fact that the career I'm in isn't something I'm really passionate about. And if I were to keep pushing myself to get better it would be for the bigger paycheck. At which point I probably wouldn't be happy despite living somewhat comfortably because the job would be like a ball and chain that weighs me down.
I guess some people's goal is that financial security, raising a family, owning a house, etc. That's their goal, that's their motivation. But I don't know what it is for me. I don't have a strong pull to those things. I need a goal to work towards, but I just know that's not a strong motivator for me.
Maybe I need to buy life tune up for myself when it comes out. I just feel like the path I'm on now is one based out of fear vs genuine desire. At the same time I'm having trouble breaking out of it.
INFP
