Shannon's Journal Discussion Volume 3

[ncbeareatingman]

Shannon,

I need to share something which has happened repeatedly on E2, it happened again tonight, and I'm wondering how to understand what is happening.

In addition to running E2 at home on US non-stop, I've been occasionally having opportunity to run it on my phone while at work. However, each time I've run it at work, I've been very sensitive to men being caustic, dismissive, or manipulative. 2 days ago at work I'd run it, and at the end of the day, I felt hurt since my boss hadn't acknowledged me for helping him right before I left. I carried this home, began to write on my E2 thread, but scrapped it knowing I just sought to be validated.

Then, tonight I had E2 running in my pocket, and I played the money game me and 2 guy friends play, and near the end I disagreed with one of them about a rule interpretation. I fought more with emotions than logic, determined to be validated, again. I'm still emotional (angry and determined) now, an hour later.

I'm seeking to understand what's happening. I'll share my middle brother was closest to me, and he left home when I was 12 or 13. He'd also been a loud bully. Am I fighting people who act similarly to him, and is this healthy? I know I'm going towards AM6 after E2, but E2 (to my understanding) doesn't aid in assertiveness. It does in me asserting myself for healing purposes, but I'm emotional now, not feeling too objective.

May I ask for some feedback on this?

That sounds like it's hitting upon those specific insecurities for you.

And when they are being worked on it's more obvious and you're responding in that way or even drawing some of that out of them due to that insecurity coming up.

So it's likely working on something around that.

Thanks Ben. Yes, I agree I'm trying to draw this out of other men; in those moments, I feel like I need to be "right", even if I'm not.

I Honor your courage man and you trust in coming here and baring your soul this way and what all is going on with you. it takes courage to do what you are doing and it is NOT for the weak of Heart,even if you arent feeling the strongest right now...you definitely are getting there. E2 was a power player for me, it was very powerful and effective. E3 is gonna be even more so... hang in,keep going,it will get better. with respect and honor.Keith.