09-22-2018, 03:26 AM
Yesterday was break, today im prolly gonna run A, tho the forced element of B is pretty much something I dig.
Whatever.
Im angry. Like, body trembling rage snippits. One is, Im really getting towards 0 tolerance towards bs. Also, when I met up with my friendgroup yesterday, I noticed how toxic the dynamic was. Its like I lost my boundary setting at some points, and thus they saw fit to violate some things. At the end of the evening, I begun to become more "lashy" its like a dominant pattern in my mind is geared to be "liked", keeping the shit together but its a waste. When im connecting with higher value people, who have values, respect and something to offer, its naturally flawless. Its just not worth energy when everyone acts passive aggressive.
"You know who says it right?"
This doesnt mean I shouldt rip your fucking head off. It exactly that what demands screening and weeding out. Its like coming out to their bs ways and saying "here look, see what I done, I admit I fucked you over, now act"
Im starting to realize outgrowth. Like, almost a forcefull event of pushing away and cutting away people. Being "nice" reeks of disaster. Its total self sacrifice and im gonna have to take a hard look within and at myself. It ties in to past events, bullying events, and being taken advantage of through the past. It clearly left some deep scars.
ION: gawking women all around even tho im trembling with anger. Its paradise and this fine brunette with this fine ass on her bike, I wanted her, but, yanno, I was in traffic driving.
Fuck neediness and needing-ness. Being financial independent is another ballgame which result in more personal gain and power.
Choose yourself first and foremost and relentlessly cut off the bs.
Gonna hit the gym. Might aswell update this post afterwards
Whatever.
Im angry. Like, body trembling rage snippits. One is, Im really getting towards 0 tolerance towards bs. Also, when I met up with my friendgroup yesterday, I noticed how toxic the dynamic was. Its like I lost my boundary setting at some points, and thus they saw fit to violate some things. At the end of the evening, I begun to become more "lashy" its like a dominant pattern in my mind is geared to be "liked", keeping the shit together but its a waste. When im connecting with higher value people, who have values, respect and something to offer, its naturally flawless. Its just not worth energy when everyone acts passive aggressive.
"You know who says it right?"
This doesnt mean I shouldt rip your fucking head off. It exactly that what demands screening and weeding out. Its like coming out to their bs ways and saying "here look, see what I done, I admit I fucked you over, now act"
Im starting to realize outgrowth. Like, almost a forcefull event of pushing away and cutting away people. Being "nice" reeks of disaster. Its total self sacrifice and im gonna have to take a hard look within and at myself. It ties in to past events, bullying events, and being taken advantage of through the past. It clearly left some deep scars.
ION: gawking women all around even tho im trembling with anger. Its paradise and this fine brunette with this fine ass on her bike, I wanted her, but, yanno, I was in traffic driving.
Fuck neediness and needing-ness. Being financial independent is another ballgame which result in more personal gain and power.
Choose yourself first and foremost and relentlessly cut off the bs.
Gonna hit the gym. Might aswell update this post afterwards
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
