09-20-2018, 02:11 PM
My god, what a terrible day it was today. Whatever Shannon is dealing with I wonder if it's the same for me because my job has been chaos lately. My company I work for got hit with a crypto virus today. I walked in, nobody could log on and checked it out and was so defeated when I saw what happened. Cue me scrambling to get everyone up and running and that's not even working. Then one of the programs we use to mount virtual disks couldn't attach outlook data files so we had to resync everyones email. But because the whole building was doing it everything slowed down. To make matters even worse our order entry person had a delay on receiving new emails so all the orders fell behind. Holy shit it was like dominoes today, one thing after another went wrong. The only positive to this was that I stayed calm and as stressful as it was I didn't beat myself up for what happened.
Yeah so other than that I'm taking a break from dmsi A because I'm going out to California next week and won't be able to get my listening in consistently. Plus sleeping away from home never works out too well for me and I don't want to be any more drained than I probably already will be.
It legit feels I'm in the middle of a hurricane right now. Like all this stuff that happened today, I feel like I'm just at a tipping point. I'm doing my best here, but when stuff like this happens it really knocks me on my ass. Makes me really upset, like I don't want to do or touch anything because it's all just going to blow up in my face.
The track I was working on took a turn for the worse, I finished it but upon completion I realized just how much time I wasted on it. And I say wasted because most of that time was really just me being indecisive and being a perfectionist without really accomplishing much. I think I worked on it for 2 months? Way way too long. That would be fine if the quality showed for those two months, but I'm objective enough to know what my music is lacking. It doesn't sound like 2 months of work. It sounds like 2 months of someone procrastinating on finishing a project that really only had a few hours of real concentrated effort put into it. That's been my constant struggle though. Finding myself with initial ideas and then being too afraid to develop them into a complete song because I've been consistently disappointment in the past. This of course has nothing to do with DMSI and it's design goals. Just felt like ranting.
This trip out to California has me twisted up though. I thought I was fine, but I haven't been able to sleep all too well. I also keep having dreams of me missing my flight or getting lost once I get there. It's just one of those things I'm dealing with, but I wish it wasn't such a huge deal in my head. As much as I'd like to believe I'm not anxious, I totally am. I also don't like flying, I wouldn't consider myself having a phobia but it makes me tense. A combination of the flying itself and just being around way too many people in close proximity, could be an energetic thing too getting overwhelmed by all the stimulus at once.
Yeah so other than that I'm taking a break from dmsi A because I'm going out to California next week and won't be able to get my listening in consistently. Plus sleeping away from home never works out too well for me and I don't want to be any more drained than I probably already will be.
It legit feels I'm in the middle of a hurricane right now. Like all this stuff that happened today, I feel like I'm just at a tipping point. I'm doing my best here, but when stuff like this happens it really knocks me on my ass. Makes me really upset, like I don't want to do or touch anything because it's all just going to blow up in my face.
The track I was working on took a turn for the worse, I finished it but upon completion I realized just how much time I wasted on it. And I say wasted because most of that time was really just me being indecisive and being a perfectionist without really accomplishing much. I think I worked on it for 2 months? Way way too long. That would be fine if the quality showed for those two months, but I'm objective enough to know what my music is lacking. It doesn't sound like 2 months of work. It sounds like 2 months of someone procrastinating on finishing a project that really only had a few hours of real concentrated effort put into it. That's been my constant struggle though. Finding myself with initial ideas and then being too afraid to develop them into a complete song because I've been consistently disappointment in the past. This of course has nothing to do with DMSI and it's design goals. Just felt like ranting.
This trip out to California has me twisted up though. I thought I was fine, but I haven't been able to sleep all too well. I also keep having dreams of me missing my flight or getting lost once I get there. It's just one of those things I'm dealing with, but I wish it wasn't such a huge deal in my head. As much as I'd like to believe I'm not anxious, I totally am. I also don't like flying, I wouldn't consider myself having a phobia but it makes me tense. A combination of the flying itself and just being around way too many people in close proximity, could be an energetic thing too getting overwhelmed by all the stimulus at once.
INFP
