Shannon's Journal Discussion Volume 3

[Broski]

So the first thing is to remember that no matter what suggestions I offer you, you can follow the instructions and be eligible for a refund, or you can disregard them and give that up. That is a choice you must be the one to make.

I recommend that you start analyzing your reactions to understand what is causing them, where they come from and what their origins are.

If you keep having negative thoughts come up, what are those thoughts specifically? Those thoughts are going to be like arrows fired from the cause of the resistance and fear: they will by their very nature point you back to what caused them.

What are they telling you? Why would you be having those thoughts and responses? Why are you afraid of success? Is it success you're afraid of, or something that will result from success? What do these things tell you about the underlying fears and causes of your reactions to this program?

WHY are you afraid of succeeding?

It would help me help you to know more specifically what your negative reactions are.

Alright I will try to do my best in answering these for you. The first major negative thought thats been coming up is fear of focusing on negative thoughts and emotions and bringing more of those things into my life. Then when I think those thoughts or feel those emotions is cause more fear and anxiety, which causes more fear and anxiety, ect ect. Quite the vicious cycle . Ever since I took a psychology class in high school and learned about the power of the mind and specifically this part covering how people that thought they were sick even though they weren't ended up making themselves sick, I have feared the mind and using it against myself, as dumb as. As dumb as it may sound to some, it is a VERY real fear to me and I have suffered greatly from it. I had some anxiety over this the following summer, but once I was back at school it didn't really come up for awhile. Fast forward a few years later and seeing something on tv triggered this fear in me again and I went into major anxiety and panic attacks over it for many months. I developed different chronic tensions and pressures in my body that took my focus off the mind and made me think I had some sort of physical condition wrong with me. I went to a plethora of different doctors and they couldn't find anything wrong, so im pretty sure the anxiety is what lead to it. I still see these tensions and pressure to this day many years later. I think this is my main fear I have been experiencing though with different variations of it, and has lead to most of the other negative thoughts, emotions and fear I've had during this time. Some other negative recurring thoughts have been fear of going insane, and fear of losing control. Why I am having them in response to the program is maybe because the success oriented programming triggers them, like the fears are popping up saying "We cant think positively and successfully with all this deep rooted fear surrounding this issue" Maybe i'm afraid of anything changing with my mind because I fear the power of it so. I don't know, I have consciously thought of different things like this before about the issue, but have never seemed to be able to fully get over it. Hope that helps

So basically you have a fear based feedback loop that you have focused on yourself, for infinite replay-ability. Congrats, you're afraid of yourself.

How many loops a day are you using USLM for?

I don't think there is a need to make fun of me/the situation. I am trying to be honest and open with you here and don't really appreciate that. It's not like I intentionally tried to create the situation and it hasn't exactly been pleasant. I have been doing 1 loop a day.

I apologize for the tone of the post, there was no insult or negativity intended. When I wrote that I was simply at my wit's end with how things have been going lately and I was about to lose it. I had to spend most of yesterday trying to come back from that state, in fact, so I could remain functional. So please don't take it as being sarcasm or nastiness, it wasn't.

Okay, so at one loop per day you're having an extreme fear response, and this is being triggered by your fears based on the psychology class you took. That is a complex issue right there.

Have you attempted more than 1 loop per day?

It is okay Shannon. I appreciate the apology. I hope everything going on with you turns around soon and you start feeling better. I THINK it is from psychology class that is at least my best guess. I don;t know though if something might have happened earlier in my life also that caused me to react in the way i did to it. I have been only doing one loop because I see myself as a "control freak" type and figured more would NOT be better in that case. The weird thing is this fear really started popping up strongly again the day BEFORE I started running US/LM. Could that be TID resistance?