09-05-2018, 01:58 PM
I feel like at this point most people on this forum know my life story. It hit me today that I have trouble healing from these old emotional wounds because I'm ashamed of them. As long as I'm ashamed of what I've struggled with I can't access these emotions to let go of them. It's hard sometimes having your life be pretty damn easy on the outside, but it still somehow feels like you managed to mess it all up. Guilt and shame I guess. It's really easy to forget sometimes I didn't do this stuff to myself. I'm responsible for getting better, but it's not my fault I grew up with this stuff.
I had a dialogue with this internal self that struggled a lot. I told him that I understand how he struggled and I'm sorry he went through all that. I told him I'm not trying to put him through that all over again. I'm trying to build a life we can both be happy with. I told him just because he was afraid as a kid, not confident, not really wanted by most people around him, doesn't mean he's a bad person or unworthy of love.
Prior to this I always treated these buried emotions like "get over it, stop dwelling on it" manner. Something to be overcome like it was an obstacle vs pain from a deeper part of myself I'd long since abandoned. I've been trying to run away from it, distance myself, forget it. Interestingly enough anything that reminded me of my childhood brought up feelings of "that's not me anymore". I definitely attempted to throw out a part of myself to escape the pain, but in the process all I got was numbness. Part of my healing is going to be reintegrating this part while still continuing to improve myself.
I had a dialogue with this internal self that struggled a lot. I told him that I understand how he struggled and I'm sorry he went through all that. I told him I'm not trying to put him through that all over again. I'm trying to build a life we can both be happy with. I told him just because he was afraid as a kid, not confident, not really wanted by most people around him, doesn't mean he's a bad person or unworthy of love.
Prior to this I always treated these buried emotions like "get over it, stop dwelling on it" manner. Something to be overcome like it was an obstacle vs pain from a deeper part of myself I'd long since abandoned. I've been trying to run away from it, distance myself, forget it. Interestingly enough anything that reminded me of my childhood brought up feelings of "that's not me anymore". I definitely attempted to throw out a part of myself to escape the pain, but in the process all I got was numbness. Part of my healing is going to be reintegrating this part while still continuing to improve myself.
INFP
