08-21-2018, 03:48 AM
So A side is definitely digging at something. I didn't even listen to it yesterday during the day, but just the decision alone to switch to it seemed to have brought on the healing. Long story short at about 1 in the afternoon I found myself almost to the point of tears at my desk. The deeper I went the more I lost focus on my work. It felt like DMSI was guiding me towards what was truly important and needed attention in my life, not all this superficial crap we get wrapped up in.
But it seems I also got hit with a migraine yesterday as well. Not sure if the two are related. All I know is that I am very emotionally repressed. Some of these emotions don't make sense on a conscious level, but they are there and I've learned you can't just ignore them. I think that's what I tried to do with B.
In prior runs of A I was so caught up in what healing was supposed to feel like that I controlled the process too much. My experience yesterday was deeply unpleasant, it felt like those moments in my life where I felt all alone and thought nobody loved me. Very painful, heavy emotions. Ones I just moved on from to be a functional person, but never really healed from. It's always surreal coming face to face with this stuff, almost a feeling of no I don't feel that way. But I guess.thats what denial is right? If I was fully conscious of these things I would have worked through them by now vs trying to shove them down and move on with my life.
But it seems I also got hit with a migraine yesterday as well. Not sure if the two are related. All I know is that I am very emotionally repressed. Some of these emotions don't make sense on a conscious level, but they are there and I've learned you can't just ignore them. I think that's what I tried to do with B.
In prior runs of A I was so caught up in what healing was supposed to feel like that I controlled the process too much. My experience yesterday was deeply unpleasant, it felt like those moments in my life where I felt all alone and thought nobody loved me. Very painful, heavy emotions. Ones I just moved on from to be a functional person, but never really healed from. It's always surreal coming face to face with this stuff, almost a feeling of no I don't feel that way. But I guess.thats what denial is right? If I was fully conscious of these things I would have worked through them by now vs trying to shove them down and move on with my life.
INFP
