DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

Had a bit of insight with DMSI the other night as well. I was at a bar and the bartender was pretty hot. I found myself consciously wanting her to notice me, but at the same time didn't want to go further than that. I realized my subconscious is trying to bargain. What I mean is it wants to be attractive, but it doesn't want to go all the way. It has a line. So it's like I try to execute DMSI in my own "safe" way, but since that's not the actual script nothing happens. Then I think, hey why isn't this working? And I slap myself because I'm not letting it. I imagine I'm giving out really mixed signals because of this. I had this feeling last night that if I locked eyes with this woman we'd share something. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. In general I'm not comfortable doing that. I feel creepy or weird, invasive, or agressive. Nice excuses right? Admittedly I've always sucked with eye contact with people. I get this weird anxiety where it feels like everything is too intense for me.

I felt ashamed, even alone, for I often persecuted myself when I'd feel that on DMSI. I'd feel a lot more attention on me, and the attraction I (honestly) sought before hadn't been sexual attention. (Correction: Attention, yes. Execution, no.) But DMSI made me much more conscientious of my sexuality, and the messages I was sending. I felt uncomfortable mostly since I had not been in the habit of being really sexually attractive around women, catching looks constantly. I live in south FL (aka "Q-tip country"--lots of retirees), and I remember older ladies giving me this shocked look like "what's in you? I FEEL it!" I played it safe by being a "nice" guy. Well, safe for me anyways. I'm realizing.......sex scared me. I thought it was all about dominance and control, not enjoyment and sharing..............this made sex feel real dirty to me, like I'd be looking to "use" women. And I desired younger women. I'll return to DMSI for healing of this plus execution. I've read some journals of long-term users of DMSI, and I'm encouraged since growth has taken place.

Regarding eye contact, I've dodged eyes most of my life, fearing the intensity too. I did SE 5.5 for a month or so, and my clearest manifestation was with a woman walking past me at a gas station. I'd NEVER locked eyes like that, but it surely happened. Shannon was reading reactions to SE, and I remember him saying "I've GOT to put this in DMSI!" Self esteem enabled me to do this, and DMSI has it now. And it took no effort on my part when it happened.

And finally, I've seen you continue on DMSI, and it's teaching me something. You're uncomfortable, maybe scared sometimes, but you're not bailing. That is not common Mat. Thank you for believing in something you've not seen yet. Thank you for even allowing others to believe in you, when you may not have believed in yourself. This has been my weakness, so thank you for sticking it out as long as you have.

It's good to hear I'm not the only one having this reaction to dmsi. Just goes to show there's definitely a pattern with some of us who have trouble executing. And if there's a pattern we can always break it somehow.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad it serves as inspiration for you. I plan to one day overcome all these limitations and show people there's more to life than just surviving. So I've got some additional motivation behind my growth.