AbyssRockstarXXX

[RainbowAbyss]

I believe tonight is my last night of stage four
When I check in mentally to try to trace what this stage has done
I feel like I am dealing with spider-webs layered in different directions on
spiderwebs.
I have had some cool stuff happen along the way-that I wrote about
a few more direct approaches-a lot of indirect one's, a lot of hovering-that crazy direct approach
by the hot Asian woman who thought/pretended she knew me and then tried to make out with me in the street, and last night when I was walking through this bar-club another hot Asian woman just grabs me while I am walking by and pulls me in.
My motivation to approach has been very low. My anger and jealousy issues seem completely gone.
Its weird cause I don't particularly think anything of myself these days-I seem to really have no sense of self image-positive or negative. Maybe that's what humbleness mixed with delusions of grandeur comes out as-or confidence with humility.
I really have no idea what changes occurred during this stage-so I will list what I know about myself during it.

Negative
1. Anxiety is crazy up at times-as a result of sexual tension-not social anxiety
2. No motivation to approach
3. lack of sense of potency/capacity to do what needs/I want to get done in my own life
4. Very little motivation for anything
5. Self-discipline way down
6. A lot of internal anger,boredom and frustration at times
7. Self consciousness-sense of being watched and uncomfortable with it-through the roof at times-there were periods where it got frustrating to leave the house-the thing is it feels more physical-like I can feel when people are looking.
8.I feel a lot of 'why bother' (with woman or with anything) on this set
9. Ending up with my 'seven's' or 'eights' at best-rather than what I would consider my
'9's' and '10's'-so I'm a snob...
10. periods of intense resistance and bleak depression.

Positive
1. Get approached by woman fairly consistently
2. Playing the eye game fairly consistently-stage 3 was actually the best for eye game-but its coming back around,
3. I am more honest and clear on how I feel about things and where I stand.
4. Extremely indifferent
5. Was propositioned for sex several times-and..drum..roll..I turned sex down from a woman
I even thought was attractive.
6. Really strong sexual polarity with woman.
7. 'Pulling the trigger' is way up.

Hey Rainbow, how did the woman take it by you turning her down for sex? Plus, how did it feel turning a woman down in general who was asking for sex?

It felt easy for my mind and difficult for my dick..
honestly, for me there is always the sense that making sex happen is a good thing..and if logistically it can't and I won't be able to see the girl again ..its annoying but forgotten quickly..but in this case I was sure it would happen again..so no biggie. In terms of turning down woman I don't find very attractive..that's very easy these days.