08-14-2018, 01:54 PM
Drank coffee today, ran from my problems, just in general it felt like a shit day. But I caused all of it so I've got nobody else to blame but myself.
Thought about going back to sleephones so maybe the sub worked better, but then 90% of the time they end up hanging around my neck. Then I realized maybe that would be a way to escape dmsi. So resistance possibly.
Maybe I don't need the healing from A either. Maybe I think there are deep issues popping up that are nothing more than convenient excuses to not keep pushing forward. If I internalize being an awful person that means I have stuff to heal, and if I have stuff to heal that means I can procrastinate and not execute DMSI! Yay!
Goddamn the lies that go through my head just to hold onto some concept of who I am and what my reality is.
Thought about going back to sleephones so maybe the sub worked better, but then 90% of the time they end up hanging around my neck. Then I realized maybe that would be a way to escape dmsi. So resistance possibly.
Maybe I don't need the healing from A either. Maybe I think there are deep issues popping up that are nothing more than convenient excuses to not keep pushing forward. If I internalize being an awful person that means I have stuff to heal, and if I have stuff to heal that means I can procrastinate and not execute DMSI! Yay!
Goddamn the lies that go through my head just to hold onto some concept of who I am and what my reality is.
INFP
