08-12-2018, 01:12 PM
Had coffee with the girl who messaged me on instagram. It was cool catching up. Same nerves I had from when I was in HS. It's weird how seeing a familiar face can throw you back like that. But the whole thing is like I don't know. We'll see how this develops. Also in hindsight meeting up and drinking coffee, resistance tactic lol.
I guess this is triggering a venting session, but here goes. I really just want to get this women thing handled. It's not a numbers thing for me. It's more like when the opportunity presents itself I have the confidence to know what to do and I'm not stepping on my toes. I think part of my fears is definitely that I'm 27 and never had sex. When you're younger it's like, ok not a big deal. But when you get older it's this worry in the back of my head that every single girl I interact with I have to somehow let her know that "hey I've never had sex with a woman before". People may say oh it's not a big deal, but what if the woman is experienced and knows what she likes sex wise. If she wants someone who's in control, dominant, or experienced? You can't really know that until it comes up. Just another fear I guess.
Completely unrelated, but I'm feeling really bad about my body right now. I'm trying to be more mindful of my movements, how I sit, stand, walk. It's amazing how utterly screwed up our posture gets in modern society with all the sitting and crap. I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw this woman hunched over her cart and just moving her body in such an inefficient way. It made me cringe and reflect on my own poor use of my body. Mainly the fact that I haven't worked out for 2 years now, I'm skinny as hell, and sitting all this time has screwed with me. I need to to respect my body more. More than a few months ago I was being really self destructive to my body, I didn't feed myself right, I'd skip important meals because I was too tired, just in general absolute neglect and I was like screw it I hope I just decay and die. It honestly felt like I was slowly letting myself waste away to nothing. But I have to find something other than weight lifting because I just can't stand it. I like bodyweight exercises a lot, something about them you can just be more mindful of the inner workings of your body and feel how all the muscles come together. I'm not gonna get built with them, but I don't really care. The goal is health, aesthetics come secondary.
I guess this is triggering a venting session, but here goes. I really just want to get this women thing handled. It's not a numbers thing for me. It's more like when the opportunity presents itself I have the confidence to know what to do and I'm not stepping on my toes. I think part of my fears is definitely that I'm 27 and never had sex. When you're younger it's like, ok not a big deal. But when you get older it's this worry in the back of my head that every single girl I interact with I have to somehow let her know that "hey I've never had sex with a woman before". People may say oh it's not a big deal, but what if the woman is experienced and knows what she likes sex wise. If she wants someone who's in control, dominant, or experienced? You can't really know that until it comes up. Just another fear I guess.
Completely unrelated, but I'm feeling really bad about my body right now. I'm trying to be more mindful of my movements, how I sit, stand, walk. It's amazing how utterly screwed up our posture gets in modern society with all the sitting and crap. I was in the grocery store yesterday and saw this woman hunched over her cart and just moving her body in such an inefficient way. It made me cringe and reflect on my own poor use of my body. Mainly the fact that I haven't worked out for 2 years now, I'm skinny as hell, and sitting all this time has screwed with me. I need to to respect my body more. More than a few months ago I was being really self destructive to my body, I didn't feed myself right, I'd skip important meals because I was too tired, just in general absolute neglect and I was like screw it I hope I just decay and die. It honestly felt like I was slowly letting myself waste away to nothing. But I have to find something other than weight lifting because I just can't stand it. I like bodyweight exercises a lot, something about them you can just be more mindful of the inner workings of your body and feel how all the muscles come together. I'm not gonna get built with them, but I don't really care. The goal is health, aesthetics come secondary.
INFP
