08-11-2018, 04:14 AM
Just back from the gym. It was packed with women this time, more then I've ever seen at the gym. Atleast 2 stood out. Greeted 1 when walking in and she was smiles.
One other girl, far from my type, kept talking to me. How the dip machine was broken, and I explained that it wasnt. She kept sticking around.
The girl I greeted when walking in after noticing a familiar guy had her friend with her. That ass...so bouncy. And they kept positioning themselves so they had sight from what I was doing. Also nice view when they hitted the treatmill. Those long ponytails. Damn.
Now comes the kicker. I became filled with terror. Like really terrified of any succes, of anything else. I literally crumbled. Now, when im in its all good. But before that, im thinking it has to do with trauma of my past, that came crashing in. Like, my parents, having a history of being targetted by people negatively. My stomach is even churning at this point. Something painfull has been hit.
I tried to keep my composure at the gym, but yeah, I really felt horrible, vulnerable. Good news is, this stuff is now sticking at the surface and A seems succesfull in working through it at this point. I had flerting thoughts of running AM6 to gain some thicker skin, because, I seem sort of hightened in picking up energies. Could be purely an inside job manifesting physically/outwardly, but I considered the thought. My subconscious and senses feel vigilant ajd heightened/on edge. Its these times that are the hardest yet worthwhile.
Anyways, those 2 girls, one with the round ass, the other cute, triggered something in me. Something tying to a bigger something inside that now comes out. Being judged, vulnerable, idk. Something im gonna go through.
Tgis morning in my last loop ( running high amount of loops ) i felt to high status and value for many girls. Like the magic was gone.
One other girl, far from my type, kept talking to me. How the dip machine was broken, and I explained that it wasnt. She kept sticking around.
The girl I greeted when walking in after noticing a familiar guy had her friend with her. That ass...so bouncy. And they kept positioning themselves so they had sight from what I was doing. Also nice view when they hitted the treatmill. Those long ponytails. Damn.
Now comes the kicker. I became filled with terror. Like really terrified of any succes, of anything else. I literally crumbled. Now, when im in its all good. But before that, im thinking it has to do with trauma of my past, that came crashing in. Like, my parents, having a history of being targetted by people negatively. My stomach is even churning at this point. Something painfull has been hit.
I tried to keep my composure at the gym, but yeah, I really felt horrible, vulnerable. Good news is, this stuff is now sticking at the surface and A seems succesfull in working through it at this point. I had flerting thoughts of running AM6 to gain some thicker skin, because, I seem sort of hightened in picking up energies. Could be purely an inside job manifesting physically/outwardly, but I considered the thought. My subconscious and senses feel vigilant ajd heightened/on edge. Its these times that are the hardest yet worthwhile.
Anyways, those 2 girls, one with the round ass, the other cute, triggered something in me. Something tying to a bigger something inside that now comes out. Being judged, vulnerable, idk. Something im gonna go through.
Tgis morning in my last loop ( running high amount of loops ) i felt to high status and value for many girls. Like the magic was gone.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
