I feel the eub agressively trying yo execute. A whole well of public anxiety has broke open along with paranoia. My charm and charisma are akplifying and my eye contact is strong. Narcissism is very much present and frankly, IDGAF. Im going underneath the layer of social dynamic. Its like this layer is lifted up only to come to understand the "underneath" like the dynamics. My impulses are definitely up and im opening old wounds. Frankly I like the feeling of narcissism, of "feeling" surperior
Im questioning laws, rules, structures of society, of "sanity" of what is considered morally right and being "good" loadsa trauma stuff to work through. My eyes wt times are very intense and it shows in how people react. It feels right to be just this "mask" while underneath the chaos is rampant
Yes, last couple of days Im (re) visiting morr violent things and feeling almost okay with the agression is met with an "perhaps I should be concerned or something" faintly.
As I write this im feeling charmijg, charismatic, know people can fall into my frame, my influence. Its almost being okay into manipulating people for the sake of it. Its revealing to me.
Also, by visiting the more violent "thoughts" , along with these moments, I wanted to destroy things/people just for the sake of it.
Perhaps its part of the uninhibition process, the facings of paranoia and anxiety, part of wanting the drug, the nofap or a combo of it.
Im simply not there and yet highly aware. By the minute the momentum goes and grows and revelations pile up like a showing process in my mind.
Otherwise, im feeling like a g*d. By having this power.
Im feeling dizzy, whats going on in my mind is massive, and knowing having this choice to step over the line will not work in my benefit, it will result in an strong reduction of freedom. my intent keeps shifting, caught my eyes in an very, dead state for example and am pretty sure peaople pick this up, the agression only makes people very much qualifying themselves, like its some sort exertion of my will. which is nice. but still, I can see how people that are born without empathy/emotion/feeling or whatever you want to call it ( and right now, my intent is very straight forward and "pure") give into this. it very thrilling in an sense but also hyper shattering.
charm, charisma, witt, sophistication, knowing Im having this dark triad like mindset at this point, is putting me on the leading edge. yes, even elite maybe. girls eat this shit up, instead of being a passive soft wuss ( tho drake gets the panties wet as fuck ) and it can ll come down to manipulation in an sense. never thought I would write this, aswell as putting the "responsibility"of how people react out of my hands, iim unconcerned. will this put me into lock down? maybe. Perhaps. could be. idk. Probably.
And, oh yeah, it also makes me having my dads part of uprbring blend in, mom not so much, and lots of other factors, such as school, people, events, experiences. all is targeted. idgaf about h.c anymore, its unconscious present even. whatever,. ill keep running my loops tho. the amount of issues pile up, including rejection, which is a load of bs in the end but still, something surfacing in my mind, thus playing a role.
Im questioning laws, rules, structures of society, of "sanity" of what is considered morally right and being "good" loadsa trauma stuff to work through. My eyes wt times are very intense and it shows in how people react. It feels right to be just this "mask" while underneath the chaos is rampant
Yes, last couple of days Im (re) visiting morr violent things and feeling almost okay with the agression is met with an "perhaps I should be concerned or something" faintly.
As I write this im feeling charmijg, charismatic, know people can fall into my frame, my influence. Its almost being okay into manipulating people for the sake of it. Its revealing to me.
Also, by visiting the more violent "thoughts" , along with these moments, I wanted to destroy things/people just for the sake of it.
Perhaps its part of the uninhibition process, the facings of paranoia and anxiety, part of wanting the drug, the nofap or a combo of it.
Im simply not there and yet highly aware. By the minute the momentum goes and grows and revelations pile up like a showing process in my mind.
Otherwise, im feeling like a g*d. By having this power.
Im feeling dizzy, whats going on in my mind is massive, and knowing having this choice to step over the line will not work in my benefit, it will result in an strong reduction of freedom. my intent keeps shifting, caught my eyes in an very, dead state for example and am pretty sure peaople pick this up, the agression only makes people very much qualifying themselves, like its some sort exertion of my will. which is nice. but still, I can see how people that are born without empathy/emotion/feeling or whatever you want to call it ( and right now, my intent is very straight forward and "pure") give into this. it very thrilling in an sense but also hyper shattering.
charm, charisma, witt, sophistication, knowing Im having this dark triad like mindset at this point, is putting me on the leading edge. yes, even elite maybe. girls eat this shit up, instead of being a passive soft wuss ( tho drake gets the panties wet as fuck ) and it can ll come down to manipulation in an sense. never thought I would write this, aswell as putting the "responsibility"of how people react out of my hands, iim unconcerned. will this put me into lock down? maybe. Perhaps. could be. idk. Probably.
And, oh yeah, it also makes me having my dads part of uprbring blend in, mom not so much, and lots of other factors, such as school, people, events, experiences. all is targeted. idgaf about h.c anymore, its unconscious present even. whatever,. ill keep running my loops tho. the amount of issues pile up, including rejection, which is a load of bs in the end but still, something surfacing in my mind, thus playing a role.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
