E2 - 64 days
Alrighty. I am starting to see things from a little different angle. Still living at my parents because 1) I don't have cash to live by myself 2) I kind of like hanging out with my dad.
But the perspective shift is regarding my mom. I'm starting to see that previously, I myself, put myself under her power, because of guilt. I adapted my behavior to her needs (i.e. giving her power over me) because of well maybe not just guilt, but maybe some kind of fear as well. Anyhow, the main point is that it was _I_ who did it, not something she did to me. That kind of insight is profound for me, because I no longer feel so much like a victim in this whole dilemma.
She is immature, and can't take care of her own emotions. She have used me to do that. I no longer content on doing this, because the emotion that held me in shack is slowly disappearing (guilt probably) and I am also more mindful about my behavior. I no longer feel as much of a dragging toward that I "have to" behave in a specific way, but can more and more choose how I want to act. I have thought that I was free before, but obviously, I haven't. At least not from my unconscious behaviors.
I really have to learn myself not to take care of other peoples emotions. And my dad is somewhat a role-model in this case, as he is caring and all that, but he doesn't really take any responsibility for what other people feel when he talk and say stuff. He is just honest. I like that, and I am striving to find my own way of being honest and telling my truth, without going around in life adjusting my behavior to make other people happy.
Alrighty. I am starting to see things from a little different angle. Still living at my parents because 1) I don't have cash to live by myself 2) I kind of like hanging out with my dad.
But the perspective shift is regarding my mom. I'm starting to see that previously, I myself, put myself under her power, because of guilt. I adapted my behavior to her needs (i.e. giving her power over me) because of well maybe not just guilt, but maybe some kind of fear as well. Anyhow, the main point is that it was _I_ who did it, not something she did to me. That kind of insight is profound for me, because I no longer feel so much like a victim in this whole dilemma.
She is immature, and can't take care of her own emotions. She have used me to do that. I no longer content on doing this, because the emotion that held me in shack is slowly disappearing (guilt probably) and I am also more mindful about my behavior. I no longer feel as much of a dragging toward that I "have to" behave in a specific way, but can more and more choose how I want to act. I have thought that I was free before, but obviously, I haven't. At least not from my unconscious behaviors.
I really have to learn myself not to take care of other peoples emotions. And my dad is somewhat a role-model in this case, as he is caring and all that, but he doesn't really take any responsibility for what other people feel when he talk and say stuff. He is just honest. I like that, and I am striving to find my own way of being honest and telling my truth, without going around in life adjusting my behavior to make other people happy.
