07-05-2018, 02:22 PM
(07-05-2018, 03:47 AM)mat422 Wrote: Sounds like really good progress man. When we get a glimpse behind the curtain so to speak that's a sign we're moving beyond what holds us back.
That whole thing with your mom really sucks. But she's an adult and you're an adult. After a certain age we should all learn to take care of our emotional needs. I'd imagine she gets rather defensive if you bring this up?
Defensive? Yes, if I bring it up. Presently, I'm still ignoring her. A call yesterday, 2 since I last listened, and I've not listened to her messages at all in 3 days or so. I think I'm really pissing her off, and I'll go on and admit I'm proud of myself for that. Out of some internal change, I'm breaking free from nothing changing. "Nothing changes" is her survival stance, and I learned it too. I've been in situations I didn't, or never, liked but I feared upsetting somebody. I swallowed and digested the "nothing changes" stance myself, and in great part, that's why I'm with IML--since I get in my own way subconsciously. Whether its relationships, money, ambition, whatever--I've sabotaged change a 1000 times.
I'll give a clearer example. Change involves possible pain, mostly imagined, and forgiving myself for making changes is something E2 and other subs have helped me with. I broke my own lifelong survival rules, and feeling hurt is normal. The victim mindset would rise, and E2 nailed it again. For when change actually happens, I've been scared and I imagined I was helpless. Informing myself consciously and using subs subconsciously has become........more like my new survival rules. For now I know the truth.
No kidding: I'd just finished this post, and my mom calls. I ignored it. Tenacious she is.
I want to be FREE!
