07-04-2018, 07:55 AM
Was gradually increasing loops but I was already at 5 so I just decided to go for 7. Screw it.
I've been thinking a lot about focus. Knowing what you want out of life. I think I've just been really afraid to put together a solid vision so I've just been floating and meandering aimlessly. I've got a job and I'm building skills, but it kind of feels like I'm doing it because that's what I should do. Feels like I'm procrastinating, but in a productive way? Hard to describe. It's like if I'm making money, doing relatively well, it's almost like I'll ride that out and cling to it for safety.
I've been reading this book and like most books having to do with LOA and manifestations I enjoy reading the theory. But I absolutely suck at practical application. So this book actually has exercises to do, like stating what you want, planning it out, getting a really good idea. And I've been avoiding it. It's funny because I've never actually tried to push my life in a certain direction. I've been very passive and just take whats given to me. But I see now that it's fear again. I'm so afraid to make change I won't even envision a different life or what I really want.
I was at lunch in the breakroom the other day and heard most of my coworkers talking about kids, owning a house, their job, etc. And just none of that seems fulfilling to me in the least bit. I actually feel a little nauseous when I think of that lifestyle. I genuinely don't understand how that's enough for people. I feel like I've been really digging for what happiness is for me and it's not girls, a paycheck, or validation outside myself. But at the same time I'm thinking to myself, so what the hell do I actually do with my life? And that's what made me realize I have to focus on something, find something to work towards. I do work on my music almost every day and maybe that's what it is, but man the limiting beliefs surrounding that are ridiculous and I have to break them.
I don't know, it's like society tells you "you want this". And I'm like, no I don't. It's realizing there are ideas and motivations put in my head that aren't even me, aren't even genuine desires but something I felt I had to do.
I've been thinking a lot about focus. Knowing what you want out of life. I think I've just been really afraid to put together a solid vision so I've just been floating and meandering aimlessly. I've got a job and I'm building skills, but it kind of feels like I'm doing it because that's what I should do. Feels like I'm procrastinating, but in a productive way? Hard to describe. It's like if I'm making money, doing relatively well, it's almost like I'll ride that out and cling to it for safety.
I've been reading this book and like most books having to do with LOA and manifestations I enjoy reading the theory. But I absolutely suck at practical application. So this book actually has exercises to do, like stating what you want, planning it out, getting a really good idea. And I've been avoiding it. It's funny because I've never actually tried to push my life in a certain direction. I've been very passive and just take whats given to me. But I see now that it's fear again. I'm so afraid to make change I won't even envision a different life or what I really want.
I was at lunch in the breakroom the other day and heard most of my coworkers talking about kids, owning a house, their job, etc. And just none of that seems fulfilling to me in the least bit. I actually feel a little nauseous when I think of that lifestyle. I genuinely don't understand how that's enough for people. I feel like I've been really digging for what happiness is for me and it's not girls, a paycheck, or validation outside myself. But at the same time I'm thinking to myself, so what the hell do I actually do with my life? And that's what made me realize I have to focus on something, find something to work towards. I do work on my music almost every day and maybe that's what it is, but man the limiting beliefs surrounding that are ridiculous and I have to break them.
I don't know, it's like society tells you "you want this". And I'm like, no I don't. It's realizing there are ideas and motivations put in my head that aren't even me, aren't even genuine desires but something I felt I had to do.
INFP
