06-28-2018, 02:01 PM
Nope, I was wrong again. I do that a lot. This wasn't progress with healing. This was me attempting to dissociate again. And even more it's a product of ego. Something really stupid I do is I still have a tendency to compare myself to others in terms of growth. I actually slipped into a pattern that I fell into when I was around 17, so maybe it's coming up to be cleared. Basically when things scare me, like emotional intimacy, I'll convince myself it's overrated and I'm an independent person that doesn't need anyone else in my life. I'll delude myself into believing I'm somehow on an enlightened path or I'm evolving past normal human emotions. Or I somehow figured out how to circumvent the entire human condition and everyone else is "trapped". But I'm the one that's trapped really. Trapped from expressing myself, my thoughts, my feelings, emotions, because I'm constantly obsessed with this idea of transcending them. The irony of it is "being better" without actually being better.
I think I just have a tendency to run away from my own emotional wounds that need healing. It feels like I'm ashamed of them. Things like wanting to be loved. I know the ultimate goal is to provide that for myself, but in order to get there I have to acknowledge that there's a part of myself that wants that love. I think I've been under the misconception that I can just skip over that part completely and jump straight to self-validation. But there's definitely an in between that's necessary.
I think I just have a tendency to run away from my own emotional wounds that need healing. It feels like I'm ashamed of them. Things like wanting to be loved. I know the ultimate goal is to provide that for myself, but in order to get there I have to acknowledge that there's a part of myself that wants that love. I think I've been under the misconception that I can just skip over that part completely and jump straight to self-validation. But there's definitely an in between that's necessary.
INFP
