06-26-2018, 03:45 AM
First thing I've noticed, a lot of anger coming up. A lot of things I feel the need to express but don't. It's like I've just told myself over the years that what I feel isn't important. I think a consequence of being different when I didn't fit in, I blamed myself for a lot of stuff. I got angry with the way things are but I stuffed it down and called myself stupid for not being able to just put it aside and be like everyone else.
I think what it is is years of struggling with depression and anxiety too. A lot of people don't get it. It's not just anxiety attacks or being sad for the day. It's destructive. It weaved this convoluted web that systematically messed up every area of my life. So when I was struggling nobody saw how deep this all went except me. And even then I just criticized myself for being weak.
I'm kind of just feeling now that I have my own struggles and they deserve to be acknowledged. I may not have grown up in the worst circumstances, but it still sucked for me and I'm done holding it in. I guess I still struggle with a lot of shame surrounding emotional stuff. Like I should feel bad if I'm sad or angry, just a wall of shame over everyday human emotions. It's been suffocating.
I think what it is is years of struggling with depression and anxiety too. A lot of people don't get it. It's not just anxiety attacks or being sad for the day. It's destructive. It weaved this convoluted web that systematically messed up every area of my life. So when I was struggling nobody saw how deep this all went except me. And even then I just criticized myself for being weak.
I'm kind of just feeling now that I have my own struggles and they deserve to be acknowledged. I may not have grown up in the worst circumstances, but it still sucked for me and I'm done holding it in. I guess I still struggle with a lot of shame surrounding emotional stuff. Like I should feel bad if I'm sad or angry, just a wall of shame over everyday human emotions. It's been suffocating.
INFP
