06-20-2018, 10:46 AM
Apathy, depression and boredom are more and more apparent last few days till the point I want to quit and run AM6. It keeps flashing in my mind.
Pretty much, my attitude seems to grow more alpha and IDGAF. at the dentist today, the woman who helped me, became more and more suggestive. Words flowed. She was pretty much more and more seductive while I laid there, eyes closed ( dentist doesnt matter at all, no hint of anxiety like dropping into an relaxed meditative state, thanks to occult practices ). She talked a bit about my dental health as she was the mouth hygienist.
Her: "Well, I can feel proud then that I helped you in my job then" while having a cute flirty vibe
Me: "I will let you do your thing" while having a sexual frame and undertone in deliverance. I noticed words flew pretty fluid the moments I talked. She pretty much planted my head against her tits. It went all pretty smooth.
Then the dentist came in. Male. Gay guy. Before I knew he started non verbally hitting on me. Its all fun and shit, but it was noticable. Acting sterotypical feminine, like giggles and movements. Oh well.
Anyways, after that, I didnt say much, just casual relaxing and letting the mouth hygienist lady do her thing.
Delivering is huge gents. Its fun. Playfull. Seductive. Congrugent and vibing. Im more and more aware of my subtext and subcommunication.
I notice when this anxiety comes up, boredom, depression, uselessness and hopelessness, Im pretty much avoidant tho the IOIs are abundantly on a daily basis now. Like, when checking in the dentist place, the check in lady directly started grooming and I am amused by it and play with it in speaking and communicating.
When walking out the place, I caught the crowd checking me out. People turn heads and I atleast consciously caught someone saying out loud "who is that guy?!"
Im not sure why Im pretty much down in certain situations. Like, on AM6 I was carefree. Perhaps its because DMSI is shaping me on such a deep level it scares my subconcious on some level. With AM6 in the end it was fine, selfvalidating, self esteem, king of the world, 0 fucks given and all.
Im musing there might be a fear of succeeding in all if this. Sacrifices to be made. Whatever there is undernesth the surface, setting intent to face it overwhelms me.
Also, im encountering more and more limitations like a box. Like how limited this box/cage is. So many subtle things like going out. It feels like an endless journey at this point. Endless amount of issues, things to face. Ugh.
Not gonna lie and its kind of catching me offguard. Its like Im having suicidal thoughts translating into wanting to run an ridiculous amount of loops.
Pretty much, my attitude seems to grow more alpha and IDGAF. at the dentist today, the woman who helped me, became more and more suggestive. Words flowed. She was pretty much more and more seductive while I laid there, eyes closed ( dentist doesnt matter at all, no hint of anxiety like dropping into an relaxed meditative state, thanks to occult practices ). She talked a bit about my dental health as she was the mouth hygienist.
Her: "Well, I can feel proud then that I helped you in my job then" while having a cute flirty vibe
Me: "I will let you do your thing" while having a sexual frame and undertone in deliverance. I noticed words flew pretty fluid the moments I talked. She pretty much planted my head against her tits. It went all pretty smooth.
Then the dentist came in. Male. Gay guy. Before I knew he started non verbally hitting on me. Its all fun and shit, but it was noticable. Acting sterotypical feminine, like giggles and movements. Oh well.
Anyways, after that, I didnt say much, just casual relaxing and letting the mouth hygienist lady do her thing.
Delivering is huge gents. Its fun. Playfull. Seductive. Congrugent and vibing. Im more and more aware of my subtext and subcommunication.
I notice when this anxiety comes up, boredom, depression, uselessness and hopelessness, Im pretty much avoidant tho the IOIs are abundantly on a daily basis now. Like, when checking in the dentist place, the check in lady directly started grooming and I am amused by it and play with it in speaking and communicating.
When walking out the place, I caught the crowd checking me out. People turn heads and I atleast consciously caught someone saying out loud "who is that guy?!"
Im not sure why Im pretty much down in certain situations. Like, on AM6 I was carefree. Perhaps its because DMSI is shaping me on such a deep level it scares my subconcious on some level. With AM6 in the end it was fine, selfvalidating, self esteem, king of the world, 0 fucks given and all.
Im musing there might be a fear of succeeding in all if this. Sacrifices to be made. Whatever there is undernesth the surface, setting intent to face it overwhelms me.
Also, im encountering more and more limitations like a box. Like how limited this box/cage is. So many subtle things like going out. It feels like an endless journey at this point. Endless amount of issues, things to face. Ugh.
Not gonna lie and its kind of catching me offguard. Its like Im having suicidal thoughts translating into wanting to run an ridiculous amount of loops.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
