06-15-2018, 01:37 PM
Mischief, I don't see her as derailing anything. No. This behavior of hers is very unlike her normally, so I'm actually trying to allow anything to happen. I was in our work truck today, and I stopped myself before I put down my ex to my coworker. Maybe it's DMSI, but I just stopped and corrected myself. I've made her the bad girl in our relationship a long time. It's easy, especially when I'm playing a victim. I did that a LOT not too far back.
But I could not and would not do that today. I admitted to my coworker that I'd made her to be the bad (girl), and I shared that I was, in fact, very rejecting of her non-verbally throughout our marriage. I silently sulked a lot, hoping it'd get her to do what I wanted. Lala-land.
I've been seeing repeatedly that I can only treat people like I treat myself. And for a long time, I've really hated myself. That's why I made her the bad girl; I despised myself. And it was all based in a "someone will save me" mindset. Of course, my wife didn't, and she eventually left. I tried to manipulate her into playing a loving parent for me. I created a sick environment, and she left, to breathe.
So why is she coming down here where I live? This is a happy thought to me. I think she's been around her pregnant friend, and my wife (before our dating and marrying) was a horndog, by her own admission. When she was pregnant with our daughter, she wanted sex, even needed it. I was blind to it, frustrating her a lot now that I think of it. She wanted as much sex as she could handle--knowing she couldn't get MORE pregnant. Pregnancy scared her then, and yesterday on the phone, she shared she'd be overwhelmed if she were pregnant now (mid-40's). So, she's been very against getting pregnant for decades.
But I do think she's horny. I'd not say no. And knowing her, she'll bring condoms. So no, she's not a threat. Most likely just a willing and eager vessel. Works for me
But I could not and would not do that today. I admitted to my coworker that I'd made her to be the bad (girl), and I shared that I was, in fact, very rejecting of her non-verbally throughout our marriage. I silently sulked a lot, hoping it'd get her to do what I wanted. Lala-land.
I've been seeing repeatedly that I can only treat people like I treat myself. And for a long time, I've really hated myself. That's why I made her the bad girl; I despised myself. And it was all based in a "someone will save me" mindset. Of course, my wife didn't, and she eventually left. I tried to manipulate her into playing a loving parent for me. I created a sick environment, and she left, to breathe.
So why is she coming down here where I live? This is a happy thought to me. I think she's been around her pregnant friend, and my wife (before our dating and marrying) was a horndog, by her own admission. When she was pregnant with our daughter, she wanted sex, even needed it. I was blind to it, frustrating her a lot now that I think of it. She wanted as much sex as she could handle--knowing she couldn't get MORE pregnant. Pregnancy scared her then, and yesterday on the phone, she shared she'd be overwhelmed if she were pregnant now (mid-40's). So, she's been very against getting pregnant for decades.
But I do think she's horny. I'd not say no. And knowing her, she'll bring condoms. So no, she's not a threat. Most likely just a willing and eager vessel. Works for me
I want to be FREE!
