06-10-2018, 10:34 AM
I'm beginning to understand how greatly my life have been shaped by my belief that I was a "caretaker" of other people. How I got around and catered their needs because I never understood how, or even that it was OK, to cater my own needs. The habits become extra obvious around my mom, as it is from there they stem. How she expect me to cater to her needs, and how she get upset when I don't. A simple thing as sitting and having dinner, I sit by myself and just relax after dinner and digest the food, listen to the birds and so on, I don't think that you need to talk so much, especially around family because you know each other and can just be. But my mom is constantly craving attention, and trying to drag it out from me, but when I don't fall into the "traps" that I have been doing for my whole life, she get upset.
I now know that it's OK to cater to my own needs and I am starting to feel that I have needs. I don't really know that I did that before. I can see in my previous behavior how I tried to make other people happy to keep myself happy. I now know that is not a sustainable solution, and I know I need to take responsibility to make myself happy - first, by healing, and learning not to focus so much on how other people are feeling (this is actually pretty scary to me I have to admit)
I now know that it's OK to cater to my own needs and I am starting to feel that I have needs. I don't really know that I did that before. I can see in my previous behavior how I tried to make other people happy to keep myself happy. I now know that is not a sustainable solution, and I know I need to take responsibility to make myself happy - first, by healing, and learning not to focus so much on how other people are feeling (this is actually pretty scary to me I have to admit)
