06-06-2018, 10:48 AM
I restarted AM6 about 3 weeks ago but struggled to want to journal. This is a very personal journey for me and I didn't really want to share it, but I've been learning so much that I should share what I'm learning in hopes that it may help others. My growth and learning will both be in this journal.
First off is that I stopped running MLS due to high stress. Now that stress may have been from my job, which I have since quit, but I'm already 3 weeks in and this time I'm finishing AM6. I still plan on trading futures for a living by the end of 2018.
My self-worth has skyrocketed. So much so that others treat me differently, it's subtle, but it's there. It seems that part of my deeper levels of introversion was due to low self-esteem. I still mainly get my energy from being alone, but socially I'm more open and engaging as well as humorous.
Been jogging recently and watching what I eat and how much. Something I did before AM but more so now.
It also seems that my low levels of self-esteem had produced a lot of bad feelings internally. This caused much derailment of my life due to making decisions more often based on feelings rather than thought. Those feelings are disappearing and it's allowing me to get more in touch with my feelings because whenever I used to feel I would mainly not feel good at all. Now I allow myself to experience my feelings because I feel good more often than I feel bad, and if I feel bad I either investigate why to prevent future reoccurrences or make the choice not to allow myself to repeat a negative feeling cycle that I did in the past. I'm starting to refuse to feel bad about myself and choosing to feel valued. I'm starting to feel that growth and change start from a place of feeling valuable enough to be worth changing the things in your life that need to change.
Humans are primarily experienced driven and prior experiences will drive your behavior until new ones or beliefs for new ones cause a shift in your experience of your reality. A belief in the truest sense of the word initiates a cascade of internal events that ultimately leads to an experience of said belief. Or, an event occurs externally that causes you to change your internal structure to justify or make sense of what happened. This generally happens as a child and can set a course for the rest of your life if you don't realize that you have the capability to change said belief. This also leads to the paradox of illogical logic to justify a belief that is based on an illusion rather than how the world really works. You will build a case for a belief that at its core is illogical but will seem logical because you believe it and not because it is how the universe actually works. This is the paradox of illogical logic.
The capabilities of humans give rise to illusionary "realities" created by beliefs and not actual reality. These "realities" feel real to the person believing them due to the nature and power of human capability and not actually because they are real. I have a friend that constantly hurts herself and believes that she is accident prone. She gets hurt more often than anyone I know. It's highly likely that she believed or "sold" herself a bill of goods that says "I'm accident prone", thereby creating the reality. In short self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now that is only part of the equation. The other part is that humans have a great degree of freedom in choosing which direction they wish to go in life. The creative ability of any human plus the freedom (whether realized or not) to choose the direction of one's life gives rise to an immense amount of flexibility in the direction one goes.
Understanding the rules by which the universe operates gives good groundwork for the creative freedom of choice and to choose where you want to go.
Long story short, all humans have equal value due to the abilities that have been given to them.
This may not be your experience or your belief, but that is the fundamental reality that is actually underpinning your experience or belief. You are in control of your experience of reality and regardless of what others say do or try to force upon you, you still are the one in control of the choices you make and the life you experience and how you experience it.
And that is the most freeing reality I have ever encountered.
First off is that I stopped running MLS due to high stress. Now that stress may have been from my job, which I have since quit, but I'm already 3 weeks in and this time I'm finishing AM6. I still plan on trading futures for a living by the end of 2018.
My self-worth has skyrocketed. So much so that others treat me differently, it's subtle, but it's there. It seems that part of my deeper levels of introversion was due to low self-esteem. I still mainly get my energy from being alone, but socially I'm more open and engaging as well as humorous.
Been jogging recently and watching what I eat and how much. Something I did before AM but more so now.
It also seems that my low levels of self-esteem had produced a lot of bad feelings internally. This caused much derailment of my life due to making decisions more often based on feelings rather than thought. Those feelings are disappearing and it's allowing me to get more in touch with my feelings because whenever I used to feel I would mainly not feel good at all. Now I allow myself to experience my feelings because I feel good more often than I feel bad, and if I feel bad I either investigate why to prevent future reoccurrences or make the choice not to allow myself to repeat a negative feeling cycle that I did in the past. I'm starting to refuse to feel bad about myself and choosing to feel valued. I'm starting to feel that growth and change start from a place of feeling valuable enough to be worth changing the things in your life that need to change.
Humans are primarily experienced driven and prior experiences will drive your behavior until new ones or beliefs for new ones cause a shift in your experience of your reality. A belief in the truest sense of the word initiates a cascade of internal events that ultimately leads to an experience of said belief. Or, an event occurs externally that causes you to change your internal structure to justify or make sense of what happened. This generally happens as a child and can set a course for the rest of your life if you don't realize that you have the capability to change said belief. This also leads to the paradox of illogical logic to justify a belief that is based on an illusion rather than how the world really works. You will build a case for a belief that at its core is illogical but will seem logical because you believe it and not because it is how the universe actually works. This is the paradox of illogical logic.
The capabilities of humans give rise to illusionary "realities" created by beliefs and not actual reality. These "realities" feel real to the person believing them due to the nature and power of human capability and not actually because they are real. I have a friend that constantly hurts herself and believes that she is accident prone. She gets hurt more often than anyone I know. It's highly likely that she believed or "sold" herself a bill of goods that says "I'm accident prone", thereby creating the reality. In short self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now that is only part of the equation. The other part is that humans have a great degree of freedom in choosing which direction they wish to go in life. The creative ability of any human plus the freedom (whether realized or not) to choose the direction of one's life gives rise to an immense amount of flexibility in the direction one goes.
Understanding the rules by which the universe operates gives good groundwork for the creative freedom of choice and to choose where you want to go.
Long story short, all humans have equal value due to the abilities that have been given to them.
This may not be your experience or your belief, but that is the fundamental reality that is actually underpinning your experience or belief. You are in control of your experience of reality and regardless of what others say do or try to force upon you, you still are the one in control of the choices you make and the life you experience and how you experience it.
And that is the most freeing reality I have ever encountered.
