06-04-2018, 03:12 PM
(06-04-2018, 08:27 AM)Kol Wrote: Im resonating enormously with that last post. Something that hits way close home. Your journal has cleared up things for me I couldnt place. Thank you for the value matt.
Glad to be of help. Hope it causes some major shifts for you.
I was at work today and realized I was struggling with a lot of anxiety. No wonder I'm always tired at the end of the day. Thoughts like "you can handle this stuff, but it's only going to get harder and eventually you'll fail and be fired". I honestly wasn't aware of that kind of thinking for the longest time and now that I'm addressing it work is a lot less stressful.
Along with that I realized that I was trying to remove anxiety through purely physical means, but neglecting the mental aspect. I'd do deep breathing, muscle relaxation, but my mind still raced. I was addressing the symptoms and not the cause. Along with that was this fake tiredness that often hit me. This urge to detach and let go. The thing about detaching is the anxiety is still there when you come back, the same problems that bother you aren't resolved. I've realized I haven't been doing enough to change this stuff. I just kept giving up at slightest sign of resistance and trying to run away from it.
It really hit me today that if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll never change. The irony of trying to get out of the way of DMSI to work but consequently getting more in the way because I'm resisting doing anything myself. Why? That's the question. Maybe deep down somewhere I wanted something else to change me, something with more authority, something to make decisions for me and fix my life. But that's my job, to be my own authority and have full control over my life choices. It's been said before that subliminals are a tool or a set of instructions. It's important to really get that, otherwise you deny your own capabilities and keep looking for that power outside yourself.
By no means does this override my subconscious resistance. Maybe one day we'll get to the point where it isn't a battle. But for now it's important for me to be mindful and to exercise free will instead of being influenced by whatever resistance pops up.
INFP
