DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

I enjoy reading your posts Matt, as I know what you're saying, even when you question if you're clear or not. I'm an INFP too, so your thinking and feeling styles are very similar.

You mentioned trying to control fear. I do that constantly, but being on DMSI reminds me to allow it to do the work, not me. I have stressed myself consistently too while on subs......but I'm trying to allow the sub to do its intended changes in me. DMSI has so much power, and I'm actively trying to trust it. My goal is not all about sex, but being on B now, my focus has definitely changed.

I believe I've given fear too much authority and attention in my life. If not for ARA, SE, and PTPA, I might be swimming in world of fear, pain, and chaos to just derail the whole thing.

And analyzing. This is a gift actually, for you're trying to understand what's happening. In my own life this last year, I discovered and accepted that me overanalyzing is often a control tactic and a procrastination effort. You mentioned procrastination via making "perfect" songs last week, and I can soooooo relate. I am a musician myself (not professionally), and your posting made me see some connections:

Specifically, sexual desires and expressions come out clearly in music. I repressed my sexual desires in middle school after some trauma. At the same time I began playing cornet, and I played constantly. Music was and is medicine to myself. I played throughout college on a music scholarship. Stopped playing once out of college, for....the desires and expression linked back to trauma.

But you know what? DMSI is waking me up inside! I don't usually sing much around guys--for again it's linked to trauma in my head. I sang a few times this week, and I felt pride in myself! I expected to sing a few seconds, then stifle it to not have painful feelings. My voice felt STRONG though, and I wanted to sing more, which I did. For this reason, this connection, I may play my cornet with the local Women's Club in the July 4th parade. I've done maybe 5 or 6 parades with them, but I didn't play last year. I just may this year :-). Expressing myself again feels good!

I share this since you may make some connections yourself. And also to encourage you. Thank you for your writing style, as I get it. It takes a lot of courage to be honest, you are very open here, so I enjoy your posts.

Thanks man, it's always much appreciated when you stop by to comment on my journal.


The whole over-analyzing and control. Yup, that's me as well. The thing about DMSI and "letting it work" though is it sometimes gets so twisted up in my head. I constantly told myself to get out of the way and let DMSI work, but I was actually just refusing to execute the script and slipped into a detached passive state. That's my biggest issue I guess, the lack of consistent execution of the script and follow through.