05-25-2018, 07:36 PM
Ok, this is hitting me. Not harshly, but it's making my eyes wet now.
Well, this morning I did some Rule 4 stuff. In short, I asked to help someone out today. It just came to me, and I didn't have to think about it much. I've asked for other things recently, and something often happens. I had not expected what came to me.
It was a good, productive morning working with a newer driver on a very labor intensive route. I was running, and I was glad to. Being still feeds on itself--and I missed physically running. I even thanked the head boss this morning for putting me on that route.
My coworker was going a little slower. Maybe it's DMSI, but I couldn't really stay angry at him. He said he'd start helping me by getting out of the truck, but he did not for a good 30 minutes. This route takes 2.5 hours with both of us, but 4 easily if I'm working alone.
He did jump out, but he admitted he was off, a couple of times actually. I was grateful he admitted this, and I told him so. I did not have to keep making him an uncaring coworker in my own head--this hurts me.
We finished the route in 3 hours, and what's affecting me now happened during lunch.
He told me months back that he'd been in the Army Reserves for many years, but I never equated it with much action.
During lunch, he mentioned the term "PTSD" hesitantly, and I asked honestly "really? I didn't think you did much active duty." I found out today he went through 3 different tours in 10 years, all in the middle east. He did one of those genuine "this is just between you and me" lines, showing fear and withheld sadness in his eyes. He was feeling very vulnerable.
He told me in the last day while home, he heard something outside which made him think he was back over there. He told me he hides in his walk-in closet since it's dark there. He also said over in the middle east there are no stars, no moon. He said it's pitch black. He said he was sleeping, he woke up in the dark thinking he was over there.......and his young daughter had sought him out during the night and was snuggled up against him sleeping. Hearing her helped him realize....he was in his own home. I know he was scared. He didn't share what he'd done oversees, but he mentioned some very graphic stuff I'll hold off from writing.
He even mentioned suicide. He spoke about it without any prior discussion of it, so it made me aware PTSD was shaking him hard.
Here I was, doing subliminals and EMDR at home to help me with emotional traumas.......and I slowly and carefully shared how both had been helping me. I focused mostly on subs--I spoke of E2--and I mentioned how gentle it was, how Shannon had incorporated very effective and gentle technology, and that it'd really helped me. I shared that it was free to all vets and servicemen. I wanted to assist him, yet like many servicemen, I knew he must decide for himself. The military instills a pride, a self-sufficiency, that sets them apart, and I wanted to respect that. I did. I didn't mention sub names or any person's name, as I even mentioned DavisMind's experience, for military experiences stay with them. I just shared what I sensed him needing at that moment, which is some self-forgiveness and relief from the real inner hell and isolation that war creates.
He asked me if I was working Monday, for it's Memorial Day, and I said I planned on doing so. I read his question as a request to work with me.
I sensed at the end our day he'd begun to be distracted by regular happenings, but before I parted, I said "be sure to take care of yourself this weekend. Hide as much as you need to." I knew that crippling fear can mandate that. And he quickly replied "Yeah! Yeah!" His wide eyes said he was still very vulnerable and feeling fear.
I just didn't know that I cared. And that's why I'm feeling sad now myself.
Well, this morning I did some Rule 4 stuff. In short, I asked to help someone out today. It just came to me, and I didn't have to think about it much. I've asked for other things recently, and something often happens. I had not expected what came to me.
It was a good, productive morning working with a newer driver on a very labor intensive route. I was running, and I was glad to. Being still feeds on itself--and I missed physically running. I even thanked the head boss this morning for putting me on that route.
My coworker was going a little slower. Maybe it's DMSI, but I couldn't really stay angry at him. He said he'd start helping me by getting out of the truck, but he did not for a good 30 minutes. This route takes 2.5 hours with both of us, but 4 easily if I'm working alone.
He did jump out, but he admitted he was off, a couple of times actually. I was grateful he admitted this, and I told him so. I did not have to keep making him an uncaring coworker in my own head--this hurts me.
We finished the route in 3 hours, and what's affecting me now happened during lunch.
He told me months back that he'd been in the Army Reserves for many years, but I never equated it with much action.
During lunch, he mentioned the term "PTSD" hesitantly, and I asked honestly "really? I didn't think you did much active duty." I found out today he went through 3 different tours in 10 years, all in the middle east. He did one of those genuine "this is just between you and me" lines, showing fear and withheld sadness in his eyes. He was feeling very vulnerable.
He told me in the last day while home, he heard something outside which made him think he was back over there. He told me he hides in his walk-in closet since it's dark there. He also said over in the middle east there are no stars, no moon. He said it's pitch black. He said he was sleeping, he woke up in the dark thinking he was over there.......and his young daughter had sought him out during the night and was snuggled up against him sleeping. Hearing her helped him realize....he was in his own home. I know he was scared. He didn't share what he'd done oversees, but he mentioned some very graphic stuff I'll hold off from writing.
He even mentioned suicide. He spoke about it without any prior discussion of it, so it made me aware PTSD was shaking him hard.
Here I was, doing subliminals and EMDR at home to help me with emotional traumas.......and I slowly and carefully shared how both had been helping me. I focused mostly on subs--I spoke of E2--and I mentioned how gentle it was, how Shannon had incorporated very effective and gentle technology, and that it'd really helped me. I shared that it was free to all vets and servicemen. I wanted to assist him, yet like many servicemen, I knew he must decide for himself. The military instills a pride, a self-sufficiency, that sets them apart, and I wanted to respect that. I did. I didn't mention sub names or any person's name, as I even mentioned DavisMind's experience, for military experiences stay with them. I just shared what I sensed him needing at that moment, which is some self-forgiveness and relief from the real inner hell and isolation that war creates.
He asked me if I was working Monday, for it's Memorial Day, and I said I planned on doing so. I read his question as a request to work with me.
I sensed at the end our day he'd begun to be distracted by regular happenings, but before I parted, I said "be sure to take care of yourself this weekend. Hide as much as you need to." I knew that crippling fear can mandate that. And he quickly replied "Yeah! Yeah!" His wide eyes said he was still very vulnerable and feeling fear.
I just didn't know that I cared. And that's why I'm feeling sad now myself.
I want to be FREE!
