05-24-2018, 12:41 AM
2nd night of B so far. No resistance in any way like I had on A.
B is moving in me, and I feel/sense changes happening. On the clearing side, I think the OE is making some major changes. Razib (I believe) has had a run of crying in his thread on B, and it kind of shocked me. On that note, I feel like B digs deep, making (for me) some major transitioning. Due to this, I'm sure tears are coming for me too. Change means letting go of my old ways, so yes, tears will happen. I look forward to it.
I am feeling my sexual attractions more and more, and I see it mostly while at work. We're driving around on my job, and women outnumber men 2:1 on the road. I used to carry this shame of preying on women--well, I felt shame all the time, so that point's mute. I'm looking, but I'm not needing them, which is an emotional freedom for me. I can choose.
Ok, one instance yesterday. We stopped at a gas station, and a young blond was outside smoking, maybe 20. I went in to get a drink, feeling nervous. But I walked in, not making a scene or being fake. I didn't catch her attention while walking in. I picked up my drink, and while in line, she walked back in the store. I looked at her, seeking to catch her eyes. She did, and held it, but I sensed she was nervous. I finished and left. Well, my coworker had gone in while I walked out, so I U-turned to go chat with him and another driver who had stopped. The girl I had just seen was behind the counter now, and when I looked at her, she lit up, eyes wide with a big smile. Now it was me who felt nervous. I did not hold her gaze.
I'm like "oh s***, I thought I'd be smooth". I didn't pursue or acknowledge her any more. Thank you guys for sharing similar experiences, or I'd not have shared that. I'm still in this "I should hunt" mentality, and living in the south, that thought pervades. So, nothing major, but something is different. And it's very doable on B.
That's all. I got to get ready for work now.
B is moving in me, and I feel/sense changes happening. On the clearing side, I think the OE is making some major changes. Razib (I believe) has had a run of crying in his thread on B, and it kind of shocked me. On that note, I feel like B digs deep, making (for me) some major transitioning. Due to this, I'm sure tears are coming for me too. Change means letting go of my old ways, so yes, tears will happen. I look forward to it.
I am feeling my sexual attractions more and more, and I see it mostly while at work. We're driving around on my job, and women outnumber men 2:1 on the road. I used to carry this shame of preying on women--well, I felt shame all the time, so that point's mute. I'm looking, but I'm not needing them, which is an emotional freedom for me. I can choose.
Ok, one instance yesterday. We stopped at a gas station, and a young blond was outside smoking, maybe 20. I went in to get a drink, feeling nervous. But I walked in, not making a scene or being fake. I didn't catch her attention while walking in. I picked up my drink, and while in line, she walked back in the store. I looked at her, seeking to catch her eyes. She did, and held it, but I sensed she was nervous. I finished and left. Well, my coworker had gone in while I walked out, so I U-turned to go chat with him and another driver who had stopped. The girl I had just seen was behind the counter now, and when I looked at her, she lit up, eyes wide with a big smile. Now it was me who felt nervous. I did not hold her gaze.
I'm like "oh s***, I thought I'd be smooth". I didn't pursue or acknowledge her any more. Thank you guys for sharing similar experiences, or I'd not have shared that. I'm still in this "I should hunt" mentality, and living in the south, that thought pervades. So, nothing major, but something is different. And it's very doable on B.
That's all. I got to get ready for work now.
I want to be FREE!
