05-20-2018, 09:05 AM
I'm back on DMSI this morning. I need to share my thinking since my norm has been different these last 24 hours.
I shared I'd ran MLS following DMSI 2 nights ago. I felt shame and fear of rejection, as it brought to light how I do this self-shaming automatically. I pummeled myself.
However, I did 2 things, and with more drive. First, I did some EMDR here on my laptop, and as I persisted, some of the shame melted away. I didn't feel the absolute need to pummel myself more. I'll do some more today, allowing my change to be felt within. EMDR really settles me down mentally and physically. And it stays with me.
Second, I've been reading a LOT. I'd been eyeing a financial researcher's website for months, I signed up for his subscription, and last night I began reading a book in PDF he wrote. Maybe I like his teaching style filled with analogies and comparisons, but I'm reading a lot more than I've done....in years.
I believe it's the Anxiety Relief in DMSI. I love to read--I have a full bookcase 10 feet away--but I've only pulled down 3 or 4 books in the last 5 years. If I'm anxious and nervous, then reading is far off my "daily needs" list.
I may have jumped on to MLS for the anxiety reduction and focus it enables. But.......learning was not my main goal. When I'm anxious, I seek relief NOW. I was in emotional survival mode, and I thought DMSI was stirring up more than resolving more.
I am more focused today. I'm considering doing things I've often viewed negatively, and I'll share more later. Even writing that brought up some insecurity--as I'm challenging the thinking "you need to accept my values and standards". Others have written of this, and it's happening in me too.
Change is happening, for sure.
I shared I'd ran MLS following DMSI 2 nights ago. I felt shame and fear of rejection, as it brought to light how I do this self-shaming automatically. I pummeled myself.
However, I did 2 things, and with more drive. First, I did some EMDR here on my laptop, and as I persisted, some of the shame melted away. I didn't feel the absolute need to pummel myself more. I'll do some more today, allowing my change to be felt within. EMDR really settles me down mentally and physically. And it stays with me.
Second, I've been reading a LOT. I'd been eyeing a financial researcher's website for months, I signed up for his subscription, and last night I began reading a book in PDF he wrote. Maybe I like his teaching style filled with analogies and comparisons, but I'm reading a lot more than I've done....in years.
I believe it's the Anxiety Relief in DMSI. I love to read--I have a full bookcase 10 feet away--but I've only pulled down 3 or 4 books in the last 5 years. If I'm anxious and nervous, then reading is far off my "daily needs" list.
I may have jumped on to MLS for the anxiety reduction and focus it enables. But.......learning was not my main goal. When I'm anxious, I seek relief NOW. I was in emotional survival mode, and I thought DMSI was stirring up more than resolving more.
I am more focused today. I'm considering doing things I've often viewed negatively, and I'll share more later. Even writing that brought up some insecurity--as I'm challenging the thinking "you need to accept my values and standards". Others have written of this, and it's happening in me too.
Change is happening, for sure.
I want to be FREE!
