05-12-2018, 11:24 AM
This is new, and I'm questioning the very thinking common among some men, even here on the forum.
See, I went to another store today to get work snacks and such. I was alert to women around me since I've never (knowingly) had some aura coming off me.
I had done some reading this morning on the power of words, so I declined from going down that familiar "I don't deserve this" thinking. I usually purposely stay in my own business, not seeking other's attention, but again, I was curious how I was coming off with the aura.
(Funny). One old woman showed her thinking more obviously on her face, like......really? No stalking happened, but I'm appreciating honesty in people's reactions more.
And the cashier, a young chunky blond, was sweet and talkative to me. I went with it, enjoying the repressed flattery. Again, body shape doesn't speak nearly as loud as their message, and I was flattered myself.
What hit me while loading my stuff on my scooter and seeing some other women leaving out was my training that women were meant to be used. Even at work, many men view a hottie as one you only "poke and run". I feel really stupid--like a spoiled teenager--if I demand my wants be filled or pout if they're not (THIS is masculine training???)
I'm saying I felt comfortable talking to the cashier simply since my motive was to encourage her in her attempts to express herself around me. If I'd just looked for "X" and "Y", and not seen it, I'd have missed the pleasurable 2 minutes in line. Me accepting her as she was lessened the tension immediately, as I wasn't actively needing or seeking anything from her. Well, I looked to enjoy my time in line, and we BOTH made it happen.
I then went to my local gas station to fill up, I went in to pay, and an attractive latino girl rung me up. And I noticed something: I felt compelled to initiate a conversation. She jumped in quickly to my comment of how it was peaceful at the moment (the store's normally full), and she perked up. I also felt good since I didn't seek her out to "use" her (am I fibbing to myself??
) I saw a beautiful smile come from her, without ugly self-serving strings on my side. I felt good about that. Really good.
So, I'm simply reframing my thinking of why women are around me in my life. How could I feel good when I'm in a relationship only to "take"? I couldn't. It's give and take. Me sharing oftentimes when I'd prefer to isolate. But there's always a return for one's effort. I may feel good about my actions, and from what I've picked up reading about other couple's lives, a good mate will oftentimes point out their partner's good points when the other is not seeing it. I can look forward to that kind of woman. They're keepers.
See, I went to another store today to get work snacks and such. I was alert to women around me since I've never (knowingly) had some aura coming off me.
I had done some reading this morning on the power of words, so I declined from going down that familiar "I don't deserve this" thinking. I usually purposely stay in my own business, not seeking other's attention, but again, I was curious how I was coming off with the aura.
(Funny). One old woman showed her thinking more obviously on her face, like......really? No stalking happened, but I'm appreciating honesty in people's reactions more.
And the cashier, a young chunky blond, was sweet and talkative to me. I went with it, enjoying the repressed flattery. Again, body shape doesn't speak nearly as loud as their message, and I was flattered myself.
What hit me while loading my stuff on my scooter and seeing some other women leaving out was my training that women were meant to be used. Even at work, many men view a hottie as one you only "poke and run". I feel really stupid--like a spoiled teenager--if I demand my wants be filled or pout if they're not (THIS is masculine training???)
I'm saying I felt comfortable talking to the cashier simply since my motive was to encourage her in her attempts to express herself around me. If I'd just looked for "X" and "Y", and not seen it, I'd have missed the pleasurable 2 minutes in line. Me accepting her as she was lessened the tension immediately, as I wasn't actively needing or seeking anything from her. Well, I looked to enjoy my time in line, and we BOTH made it happen.
I then went to my local gas station to fill up, I went in to pay, and an attractive latino girl rung me up. And I noticed something: I felt compelled to initiate a conversation. She jumped in quickly to my comment of how it was peaceful at the moment (the store's normally full), and she perked up. I also felt good since I didn't seek her out to "use" her (am I fibbing to myself??
) I saw a beautiful smile come from her, without ugly self-serving strings on my side. I felt good about that. Really good.So, I'm simply reframing my thinking of why women are around me in my life. How could I feel good when I'm in a relationship only to "take"? I couldn't. It's give and take. Me sharing oftentimes when I'd prefer to isolate. But there's always a return for one's effort. I may feel good about my actions, and from what I've picked up reading about other couple's lives, a good mate will oftentimes point out their partner's good points when the other is not seeing it. I can look forward to that kind of woman. They're keepers.
I want to be FREE!
