My EPHRA 2.0 Journal

[JCasterlin]

E2 may scare you initially, especially if you're used to controlling every second of your day. E2 works best, from my recent experience, when I focused on other things.

This was in sharp contrast to 16 months ago starting up E2, thinking "this, that, and this NEED to change FIRST!" Control is how I'd learned (emotionally unhealthy) people survived. And I practiced doing that.

This cemented the stress I lived under. I created it, and I maintained it.

But E2 works, with and without me knowing what it's working on. I'd be running it now, but I'm starting DMSI next Friday, and I need off-time from E2. Why? About a month or 2 into E2, I began feeling the Positive Thinking, Positive Attitude in it. This felt great--as if I'd prefer to go out and try new things vs. staying unhappy.

Let E2 do its work. It'll happen. I am sure about that.

I wouldn't say I'm a control freak as much as I let myself get attached to outcomes way to easily & especially recently much to my detriment. I have this nasty habit of getting in my own way ( i.e. my ego ) especially when it comes to things like my job. I've gotten incredibly lucky in that most if not all jobs I've had I have grasped very quickly. The one I have now is the exception. I love it & it's a huge opportunity but its something that I've never done before or anything close & it f***s with me. I'm forced to attempt to be patient , trust that my supervisor is right when he says to stop trying so hard & just let things happen.