05-03-2018, 03:16 PM
(05-03-2018, 07:37 AM)Zane Wrote: One thing I can tell u is that I am much more less dependent on my middle bro ever since I started DMSI. I feel as if I don't need his help to do anything.. The only thing stopping is the lack of energy and motivation. U can say that Intention is there but the will to do is not there...
I was also raped when I was like 10.. Didn't knew what it was but that dude ***** me real bad. Didn't tell that to anyone.. I even had dreams about that guy when I was on different subs...But with time and subs every thing heals.
If u wanna save others then you gotta save urself first. Only then will u have the strength to save others
I checked my email on my phone today, read your post.....and I wanted to cry. I was in a small quiet break room with one other guy, and I only held it in since....I feared downplaying how I really felt when/if he noticed (I shake when I cry deeply).
I felt known. I felt sad that people loved me--and I've led a lifestyle to keep everyone out. I felt young, like I felt at that time, seeking his attention and finding it frequently.
And I also felt the pain in my own words as I re-read what I wrote this morning. That's why I wanted to cry. To let it out. This did keep me emotionally honest with myself most of the day; I had some laughs with a coworker, but this sadness has remained in me. Thank you for that.
Your admission was very courageous too. I'm sorry you had this happen as well. I'll definitely eye your DMSI posts closer now. I'll "get it" now when looking at them.
Lastly, I'll say I am grateful I have this possibility of healing. I've been in numerous counselor's and therapist's offices, many years of different 12 step meetings, and like AM, the stuff's been dug up--and it's still sitting there. I've sought solutions for YEARS. And still am.
Thank you Shannon for putting in so much life-saving work, as subs are (at least in part) saving MY LIFE--from never changing. THANK YOU.
I want to be FREE!
