03-06-2012, 03:41 PM
Healthy again,
My life and the way I feel seems
to be literally re-enacting the exact same emotional
patterns and insecurities related to woman, and relating to woman, that have plagued me in the past. On top of it all there is an ok-ness and a sense of my self deserving more
with life and woman that is growing and growing.
The pattern I seem to be enacting now is-
a form of contented hopelessness. I feel ok with myself and attractive woman come across as goddess. I am struggling to act out of my own intentions and looking for sighns and cues of permission for everything again. I feel uncomftorable around woman I am attracted to in general-unless I am physical moving, introduced to them, or approaching (which is the last thing I want to do now-not of anxiety-just don't want to do it-kind of like stage 5 alpha).
My mindset doesn't feel very attractive or magnetic but below it all there seems to be a complete indifference-although it bothers me superficially.
@Shannon-what exactly is occuring with stage 4 and why do I get increasingly negative and depressed the last week or two of stage these stages but feel so great in the begining?-
Anyway in general I am doing very ok and feel more capable than ever-forget results-I just thought at this point in the set I'd FEEL and THINK very differently about the subject matter of the set-and this thinking would translate into different behavior and desires-but right now I feel very little desires outside of quenching this subtle angst and anti-social patterns lol.
When I push myself to go out at night consistently I build momentum very quickly and great stuff happens ,at least half the time, but thats always been the case with me- just going about my life nothing seems to different-I'm not even getting much interest from woman-which is whatever-blah lol-I'm a little concern the set is no longer effecting me. Actually one way it is definitely effecting me is that most guys, that I don't know, annoy the fxxxking shxxt out of me.
What I want is to be confident in this area, to talk to woman I am interested in and/or have them come talk to me-to relate in a way that is man to woman and feels really fun-exciting-connected and sexual-I want to feel emotionally non-needy, which is the case mentally for me but not exactly emotionally. I want to feel and see in real world that who I am being is enough and that I am the kind of person who just ends up with awesome woman everywhere I go. Whether its just a great connection, sexual, or committed girlfriend. Right now this feels further pretty far out of my reality-but writing it down is inspiring me.
My life and the way I feel seems
to be literally re-enacting the exact same emotional
patterns and insecurities related to woman, and relating to woman, that have plagued me in the past. On top of it all there is an ok-ness and a sense of my self deserving more
with life and woman that is growing and growing.
The pattern I seem to be enacting now is-
a form of contented hopelessness. I feel ok with myself and attractive woman come across as goddess. I am struggling to act out of my own intentions and looking for sighns and cues of permission for everything again. I feel uncomftorable around woman I am attracted to in general-unless I am physical moving, introduced to them, or approaching (which is the last thing I want to do now-not of anxiety-just don't want to do it-kind of like stage 5 alpha).
My mindset doesn't feel very attractive or magnetic but below it all there seems to be a complete indifference-although it bothers me superficially.
@Shannon-what exactly is occuring with stage 4 and why do I get increasingly negative and depressed the last week or two of stage these stages but feel so great in the begining?-
Anyway in general I am doing very ok and feel more capable than ever-forget results-I just thought at this point in the set I'd FEEL and THINK very differently about the subject matter of the set-and this thinking would translate into different behavior and desires-but right now I feel very little desires outside of quenching this subtle angst and anti-social patterns lol.
When I push myself to go out at night consistently I build momentum very quickly and great stuff happens ,at least half the time, but thats always been the case with me- just going about my life nothing seems to different-I'm not even getting much interest from woman-which is whatever-blah lol-I'm a little concern the set is no longer effecting me. Actually one way it is definitely effecting me is that most guys, that I don't know, annoy the fxxxking shxxt out of me.
What I want is to be confident in this area, to talk to woman I am interested in and/or have them come talk to me-to relate in a way that is man to woman and feels really fun-exciting-connected and sexual-I want to feel emotionally non-needy, which is the case mentally for me but not exactly emotionally. I want to feel and see in real world that who I am being is enough and that I am the kind of person who just ends up with awesome woman everywhere I go. Whether its just a great connection, sexual, or committed girlfriend. Right now this feels further pretty far out of my reality-but writing it down is inspiring me.
1. There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
2. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions... Success and failure are for him answers above all.
3. I would not know what the spirit of a philosopher might wish more then to be than a good dancer.-F.N.
