04-29-2018, 05:11 PM
Man, DMSI really brings out my obsessive neurotic side. I'm getting some more insight into why I'm resisting so much and the whole process isn't as smooth.
It seems like I get the instructions from my subconscious and then my conscious mind wants to dissect each and every piece of information. Almost like I'm afraid and need to get it on a conscious level in order to trust it? But the issue is I imagine this is a ton of information being delivered to my subconscious mind and my conscious mind is stumbling over itself trying to grasp at the sheer quantity of all of it. All the while saying "wait wait, hold on before we go any further I have to make sure this is ok". It's like having a bottleneck instead of a streamlined process. The fear I've been feeling hasn't been me working towards my fears, but rather a reaction from my conscious mind.
And man I've gone back and forth with this so much. Thinking it was healing, then thinking it was resistance, then thinking it was my subconscious resisting. The solution seems to be to stop paying so much attention internally and delegate the intensive work to my subconscious and just do what I can consciously to improve my life. If anything I feel like this is a sign I'm getting closer to my goals. It seems like whenever I'm near a breakthrough my mind goes haywire and goes on this overly obsessive thinking. As if thinking will somehow get me out of what DMSI is pushing me towards. I notice I usually fall for it when I'm idle or take time out of the day to just rest a bit. Usually when I'm busy and my conscious mind is distracted I notice I'm no longer facing that internal fight.
I don't know if any of that is useful for your research Shannon. The amount of times I've fallen for these elaborate well constructed derailments is a lot. Usually it follows a pattern of moving forward a bit and then something happens or my mind starts giving me all these reason why I need to rethink what I'm doing. The big one is me questioning "Do I really want this? Will this make me happy?" Which is stupid because I know it will to some degree, it doesn't make sense to throw away all the goals based on some incredibly vague speculation that's fueled by fear more than anything. It's gotten to the point where I feel my judgement is off about a lot of things and I legitimately cannot trust my mind at this point with anything.
It seems like I get the instructions from my subconscious and then my conscious mind wants to dissect each and every piece of information. Almost like I'm afraid and need to get it on a conscious level in order to trust it? But the issue is I imagine this is a ton of information being delivered to my subconscious mind and my conscious mind is stumbling over itself trying to grasp at the sheer quantity of all of it. All the while saying "wait wait, hold on before we go any further I have to make sure this is ok". It's like having a bottleneck instead of a streamlined process. The fear I've been feeling hasn't been me working towards my fears, but rather a reaction from my conscious mind.
And man I've gone back and forth with this so much. Thinking it was healing, then thinking it was resistance, then thinking it was my subconscious resisting. The solution seems to be to stop paying so much attention internally and delegate the intensive work to my subconscious and just do what I can consciously to improve my life. If anything I feel like this is a sign I'm getting closer to my goals. It seems like whenever I'm near a breakthrough my mind goes haywire and goes on this overly obsessive thinking. As if thinking will somehow get me out of what DMSI is pushing me towards. I notice I usually fall for it when I'm idle or take time out of the day to just rest a bit. Usually when I'm busy and my conscious mind is distracted I notice I'm no longer facing that internal fight.
I don't know if any of that is useful for your research Shannon. The amount of times I've fallen for these elaborate well constructed derailments is a lot. Usually it follows a pattern of moving forward a bit and then something happens or my mind starts giving me all these reason why I need to rethink what I'm doing. The big one is me questioning "Do I really want this? Will this make me happy?" Which is stupid because I know it will to some degree, it doesn't make sense to throw away all the goals based on some incredibly vague speculation that's fueled by fear more than anything. It's gotten to the point where I feel my judgement is off about a lot of things and I legitimately cannot trust my mind at this point with anything.
INFP
