DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

Those are healthy, healing words you speak Mat. Instead of blaming others or even yourself mercilessly, you are taking responsibility for you and your actions. That takes gonads!

Thank you for being so honest in your journal. I'll be starting DMSI-A soon, and your writings challenge my "norm" of hiding in self-lies and self pity, an old "go-to" place for me

Again, thanks for being real. It takes guts to face your pain-producing actions and thinking and be willing to change them. DMSI's tools may be helping that :-)

"It's a form of control to believe you don't have control." Are you writing my journal? I know I've hid there MANY a time!

Thanks. One of my core values is having authenticity. I try to be as real as possible with everyone.

I think certain personality types are definitely predisposed to coping mechanisms. So I always find it a good thing when people who struggle share similarities. It means they can all collectively help each other figure out through their own life experiences.

By any chance do you know your enneagram type? I'm a 9, and those are notorious for hiding from problems instead of facing them head on. They'd rather maintain a sort of psuedo-harmony and convince themselves they are at peace.

Truth be told I have trouble accepting love from anyone. I hear the words and their actions towards me but I feel numb to it. It doesn't feel real, it doesn't feel like I've done anything to deserve it. It feels a bit like looking up at the sky and trying to convince yourself it's green. And yeah it ***** hurts living like that. Life just becomes this journey where you're doing your best to stay ahead just enough to be sort of happy, but feeling like you have a giant gaping hole missing in yourself. I think I've been attempting to fill that hole with this obsession with being super successful and being someone important or famous or whatever. But it gets to the point like now where it hits me that these things aren't going to make me any happier. I have to create my own goals and dreams that I want for myself, not fill some void in me. And I think to do that I still have a lot of healing to do.

Thank you for admitting that first. I noticed this truth in myself yesterday. I had woken up from sleeping, having run E2 all night, and this stayed with me: whether in business or relationships....I was afraid to let people close to me.

You're not alone.

I bought a very easy, profitable business system 2 months back, and I make my last payment this week. I've only used it all of 2 hours, right after I bought it. I took it on since......all I have to do is DO it. However, my idea of safety and success has revolved around keeping people AWAY. Keeping them out. And business, to me, is a very relational endeavor. People buy from people, not from systems. I'll have to put myself out there and risk getting hurt to accomplish anything, truthfully. The small part in me wants to feel safe, not ignored, and I know this. The story is still being written, and I plan on using DMSI to break up and heal some stone-hard beliefs about living life. For presently, I'm surviving with basics I have in place, waiting on opportunities. DMSI is one of those opportunities, and I'm taking it. Life is too short for me to live in regret.

I am grateful you share and admit your truths so readily. As a fellow INFP, an Idealist, I value that.

You'll definitely see a lot of growth from DMSI-A. Personally speaking this ones been a tough one to crack. Every part of me screams to avoid people and to not let anyone in. But I know for the sake of my own mental health and just enjoyment of life in general I have to share myself with the world. It sounds like you're on a similar path and I hope you find what you seek. This is definitely one of those things that can be isolating when you're surrounded by people who can't even relate to it, so it's good to know I'm not alone.