DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

Rough day today. Had nothing to do with work. Work was slow. I guess I'm just clearing some more stuff. I've definitely been more mindful of my black and white thinking and it made me realize how I was doing that with the healing process. Basically I assumed if I didn't feel 100% good then I was messing up somehow. So I'd try and try to feel better, but just kept stuffing stuff down. It seems I had this idea in my head of what healing should look like vs what it actually is. Now I'm just observing what comes up, not fighting it, understanding it's all part of the process of healing. It doesn't feel particularly good when I'm processing it, but when it clears I do feel better. The key is throwing away how I think I should feel vs how I actually feel. I realized there's still a lot of stuff that I tell myself doesn't effect me, but some part of me is impacted by it. Basically at this point I'm learning to ride the waves instead of fighting them. Creating a space for me to just be without judgement so the healing can take place which has been surprisingly hard to do.

On that note I've realized all this effort to execute is due to these blocks I'm working on. I'd imagine that once these are removed there isn't going to be a trying because I'll automatically do what it is I'm trying to do. All these thoughts that make it seem like all this is incredibly difficult are just a result of beliefs I have to remove. Once I do that I imagine most of this having sex with women thing will be as simple as tying my shoes. It's just a matter of getting rid of those old beliefs that were setup by years of having difficulty with all this as well as the terrible PUA books I read over the years.