04-24-2018, 09:56 AM
quick post:
I have not updated the journal for a while. But in this post I will not update my journal, but this is part of my project "The Escape Plan". After making this post comes the final step, make the true decision - a commitment. But the final step is secret.
So, right after making my last post I'm back masturbating at night, but I'm not having a hard urge to control or the like. I experienced a fear that has often happened before, I failed to control the negative thoughts that come from within, So I crash and burn. With self-discipline I can handle it, but there is a reason why I consciously make the decision to masturbate again. Porn and masturbation is one part of "The Spark" that I've talked about in my E1 journal, that's why I'm not using a way to stop the additions I share in "The Chatter Box," stopping the addiction honesty is not my priority for now, because it holds one of the keys to my freedom.
I'll probably tell you that when I update the journal later, there's a big change in the last week, it's unbelievable until now that it happened.
Though I'm back masturbating again I'm not back to the rabbit hole of porn addiction. Though this was initially a mistake I found one thing missing from the mental tricks I used and bonus one more thing to learn. In two days, I only masturbate twice. Unlike usual I last longer, this may be because of the factor I do not use porn, I use my hands (usually objects, to make me more aroused), and the last one is without a goal. The thing I notice is in my mind and my behavior, I have a tendency to be disturbed in masturbation.
The most important thing is that I learned new things as a result of my decision to masturbate. In this case I did not learn intellectually but based on feeling. The thing I sometimes think about is addiction is one consequence if one does not decide to follow what that person wants. I remember when I was a kid I often do that, I often think that emotionally there is a part of me that is left in the past. I almost always follow what others say and I do not follow what my heart says. I hold back what my heart wants, it happens almost constantly.
So that's the most important thing I want to say in this process. I also did almost the same thing before with my porn addiction with porn streaming in the living room and there was my parents. Based on the conditions here it is quite a challenge.
This part is very slow and I feel quite frustrated and impatient, but on the positive side I feel very relieved because I finally got to the first most important point to freedom. I feel very tired and impatient with this persistence-related things no matter I'm good at it in the past because I experienced the disappointment that surprisingly had made an impression on my heart in the past. So, I also feel grateful with this relieved feeling.
I have not updated the journal for a while. But in this post I will not update my journal, but this is part of my project "The Escape Plan". After making this post comes the final step, make the true decision - a commitment. But the final step is secret.
So, right after making my last post I'm back masturbating at night, but I'm not having a hard urge to control or the like. I experienced a fear that has often happened before, I failed to control the negative thoughts that come from within, So I crash and burn. With self-discipline I can handle it, but there is a reason why I consciously make the decision to masturbate again. Porn and masturbation is one part of "The Spark" that I've talked about in my E1 journal, that's why I'm not using a way to stop the additions I share in "The Chatter Box," stopping the addiction honesty is not my priority for now, because it holds one of the keys to my freedom.
I'll probably tell you that when I update the journal later, there's a big change in the last week, it's unbelievable until now that it happened.
Though I'm back masturbating again I'm not back to the rabbit hole of porn addiction. Though this was initially a mistake I found one thing missing from the mental tricks I used and bonus one more thing to learn. In two days, I only masturbate twice. Unlike usual I last longer, this may be because of the factor I do not use porn, I use my hands (usually objects, to make me more aroused), and the last one is without a goal. The thing I notice is in my mind and my behavior, I have a tendency to be disturbed in masturbation.
The most important thing is that I learned new things as a result of my decision to masturbate. In this case I did not learn intellectually but based on feeling. The thing I sometimes think about is addiction is one consequence if one does not decide to follow what that person wants. I remember when I was a kid I often do that, I often think that emotionally there is a part of me that is left in the past. I almost always follow what others say and I do not follow what my heart says. I hold back what my heart wants, it happens almost constantly.
So that's the most important thing I want to say in this process. I also did almost the same thing before with my porn addiction with porn streaming in the living room and there was my parents. Based on the conditions here it is quite a challenge.
This part is very slow and I feel quite frustrated and impatient, but on the positive side I feel very relieved because I finally got to the first most important point to freedom. I feel very tired and impatient with this persistence-related things no matter I'm good at it in the past because I experienced the disappointment that surprisingly had made an impression on my heart in the past. So, I also feel grateful with this relieved feeling.
confucious
