AM 5.0 Journal

[JCasterlin]

Day 22 Stage 1 - I'm going to have to change the title of my journal as I realized last night that I have been listening to Stage 1 of AM 5.0 not AM6. Oh well. I own both & never completed a run of 5.0 so here I am. I'm feeling way better than I was a few days ago.I briefly considered putting off some things I wanted to do today only to get everything done & more before 12:30PM. I'm not a huge sports fan by any stretch but as a reward I decided to watch some NHL playoff hockey today. Only sport I've ever enjoyed.
Made the mistake of getting on Facebook yesterday only to quickly remember why I canceled my account in the first place. I'm in such a different frame of mind now. It used to bug me that I don't have really anything in common with people I would meet at a job, online, or whatever. I don't care about that at all anymore. All I want to do is focus on getting better at what I do & becoming a mentally & emotionally healthy man

Yes sir, that’s what I came to realize a year and a half ago. When you’re mentally and emotionally healthy, and give no excuses for remaining weak or messed up on any level, you begin to come out of sync with a majority of the people that surround you on a regular basis. I’ve been at the point for months now where anytime people exhibit weak emotions and/or immature and unhealthy tendencies, I practically take off running, not out of fear but rather as a sign of self-love for myself and not letting people mess up my improvement process just for the sake of fitting in.

The ironic part about fitting in is you limit yourself severely which is why it’s so uncomfortable. To those who know better, it’s like being 7ft tall, 330 lbs and trying to “fit in” to a full size bed, even if you stay there it’s not gonna be pleasant deep down, no matter how much you lie to yourself. Granted, these words are coming from a guy that’s more extroverted and socially popular than he’s ever been before now, so best believe this isn’t coming from a bitter and self-righteous Emo lol.

Even my choice in women is altering thanks to the AM sub. I’m now way more attracted to women that can laugh, smile and joke easily, while still being feminine, classy, and empowered and still knows how to let a man lead. Those are rarer than I thought but I’m not actively looking right now anyway, not until I have it all together because when I do go back on “the hunt”...it will be for high quality women that match my new higher quality mind state. My choice in women has been decent in the past but going forward I’m looking for great. Even the women I lay to bed must now be a higher quality just in case any mishaps cause me to get another woman pregnant, at least it won’t be with an unstable mess, which is ultimately better for the child in the long run too.

I completely get what you're saying. For most of my life I walked this weird line of trying to fit in & yet wanting to rebel. I've had really long hair most of my adult life with it being the longest its ever been until recently when I cut six inches off it that was nothing but split ends. I tell you this because twice in my twenties I cut my hair very short for two different women. I hated it & as trivial as it may seem now it established the seed of resentment. Not just towards the two women but frustration towards myself for allowing myself to get talked into doing that. I look like a pissed off twelve year old when I have short hair. Its not me at all.
I will ad more later after work