04-22-2018, 06:09 AM
I think part of getting myself to execute is by circumventing all these subconscious booby traps. I've discovered a prominent one. It seems my subconscious attempts to get me to "trust it completely and let it do what it needs to do". Unfortunately this means without conscious intervention it does what it wants, runs away. That's in the form of tiredness or this really weird sort of daydreaming I do that detaches me from reality. So now I don't give free reign to my subconscious. If it does something I don't like I say no and redirect it to what I do want. This realization came about when I read a couple posts from Shannon about the subconscious being really really convincing. I noticed I'd label this resistance as "healing" or "working through the pain". So I kept going back to it thinking it was the right way when really it was a diversion tactic.
I'm learning to center myself, breathe, and focus my mind. As long as I can focus I'm good. I understand I'm the one in control and I control my actions. My subconscious may be really powerful, but I made the mistake of assuming if I just let go it would guide me in the right direction. Maybe part of it is on board, but it seems the resistant part has more influence and I can't allow it to control my actions.
It's no doubt very tricky. It manifests as this psychological itch I want to scratch, but when I do my subconscious takes that opportunity to derail me. I've also noticed I simultaneously want to meet women, but when I actually get attention I internally freak out a bit. I'm probably giving off very mixed signals.
I'm also embracing being strong. No longer telling myself I'm weak. I've dealt with some stuff in my life and it really made me feel I was weak and pathetic. But I get how powerful we as humans are and how resilient we can be. And this world can be dark at times, other people can have your back at times but it's important to be strong enough to overcome things alone. A lot of people aren't aware, empathetic, or exist in a higher conscious state. I don't subscribe to the new age beliefs I once did about seeing the good in everyone. That stems from putting others before myself. My goal now is to be strong enough to stand toe to toe with the negative people of this world and come out on top. People can and will mess with you if they think they can, so at this point in my life I think I'm better off making those manipulative people think twice about that. I think being raised to be overly nice to people has made me a target. No more of that, I'm not holding back anymore for the sake of being a "nicer" person.
I'm learning to center myself, breathe, and focus my mind. As long as I can focus I'm good. I understand I'm the one in control and I control my actions. My subconscious may be really powerful, but I made the mistake of assuming if I just let go it would guide me in the right direction. Maybe part of it is on board, but it seems the resistant part has more influence and I can't allow it to control my actions.
It's no doubt very tricky. It manifests as this psychological itch I want to scratch, but when I do my subconscious takes that opportunity to derail me. I've also noticed I simultaneously want to meet women, but when I actually get attention I internally freak out a bit. I'm probably giving off very mixed signals.
I'm also embracing being strong. No longer telling myself I'm weak. I've dealt with some stuff in my life and it really made me feel I was weak and pathetic. But I get how powerful we as humans are and how resilient we can be. And this world can be dark at times, other people can have your back at times but it's important to be strong enough to overcome things alone. A lot of people aren't aware, empathetic, or exist in a higher conscious state. I don't subscribe to the new age beliefs I once did about seeing the good in everyone. That stems from putting others before myself. My goal now is to be strong enough to stand toe to toe with the negative people of this world and come out on top. People can and will mess with you if they think they can, so at this point in my life I think I'm better off making those manipulative people think twice about that. I think being raised to be overly nice to people has made me a target. No more of that, I'm not holding back anymore for the sake of being a "nicer" person.
INFP
