04-11-2018, 02:18 PM
After listening to what kind of thoughts ran through my mind that gave me these anxiety attacks a lot of it was "I can't" or some form of "I'm not good enough". And then that led me to question if I was truly healing or if I was just continuously hurting myself with all these toxic thoughts. I realized that healing shouldn't involve pain, it shouldn't involve dragging up old wounds and subjecting yourself to that. It's about identifying what it is that hurts and addressing it. In my case these feelings of worthlessness. I felt worthless. I thought I was worthless. But I was hyperfocused on that, not the solution to it. And the solution was to stop needing outward confirmation for that worth. Whether that be my job, girls, external achievements, my attractiveness, etc. I also found that when that feeling of worthiness started to grow I was much more receptive to positive thinking. It seems like positive thinking never worked for me because I never believed I was capable of any of the stuff I was thinking positively about.
Long story short. There's no longer a dragged out process of exploring deep feelings of unworthiness. I've simply decided that I'm done thinking that way about myself and I won't do it anymore. I don't need to go through those long ruts of feeling bad to move on, all I have to do is replace it with what I want and let it go. I'm done with this whole "I'm deeply damaged and I need lots of healing" identity. My entire life has been framed in this way where I'm this broken person and I'll always be below everyone. I see now that even though I thought I was healing myself, in reality I was holding onto feelings of worthlessness. Consistently operating from that frame of reality, so even when I did make breakthroughs or improve they were never enough.
It's like a domino effect. Once I really felt it 100% that my self worth is intrinsic, independent of outside influence, I realized I could feel better. And once I realized I could feel better, I realized the negative thoughts I've been having could stop. And since those stopped I could embrace the positive. And once I embraced the positive, I realized just how powerful my own thoughts and beliefs are and how important it is to focus on what I want in my life instead of what I don't want.
Long story short. There's no longer a dragged out process of exploring deep feelings of unworthiness. I've simply decided that I'm done thinking that way about myself and I won't do it anymore. I don't need to go through those long ruts of feeling bad to move on, all I have to do is replace it with what I want and let it go. I'm done with this whole "I'm deeply damaged and I need lots of healing" identity. My entire life has been framed in this way where I'm this broken person and I'll always be below everyone. I see now that even though I thought I was healing myself, in reality I was holding onto feelings of worthlessness. Consistently operating from that frame of reality, so even when I did make breakthroughs or improve they were never enough.
It's like a domino effect. Once I really felt it 100% that my self worth is intrinsic, independent of outside influence, I realized I could feel better. And once I realized I could feel better, I realized the negative thoughts I've been having could stop. And since those stopped I could embrace the positive. And once I embraced the positive, I realized just how powerful my own thoughts and beliefs are and how important it is to focus on what I want in my life instead of what I don't want.
INFP
