04-02-2018, 11:28 AM
I didn't want to update due to the negativity but I decided to write an update just in case Shannon can pull something useful out of this. After almost a week without subs I started to feel really good and decided to run 3.2 B again. After few days listening again sleeplessness came back, I felt tired all the time and become so negative that I think I literally turned PTPA into NTNA. I wasn't that concerned about the masturbation thing anymore but I also wasn't concerned about anything at all. Like it doesn't matter anyway.
With Version A something changed and I didn't notice the negativity anymore but it's not like I got results. I feel good in a certain way, somehow....cozy.... and I feel like I could stay all the day long in bed and dream. Not really interested in anything. I feel more like "Develop a Zen Attidude" than anything else and this is not why I started this sub. Had two dreams I remember, the first one was about a toilet full of shit. I read that it could mean financial prosperity on a material level as well as getting rid of shit on psychological level (this was on B). The second one was about a family member having a brain tumor which made me instantly cry after waking up (on A).
I am thinking a lot about running AM again as I am really missing the strength I got from (I encountered several situations where I felt helpless, like a baby, so I think there is a part of me which got stuck in early childhood) but I am somehow feeling guilty because Shannon put so much work into this sub and build so many versions and I still can't get to the goal, not even close to. I also notice that there is an instance in me which want to get the permission to run AM instead of DMSI even if I know I don't need a permission from anyone to run another sub.
Here some thoughts I have had:
- Insomnia: This is something that can bring me to stop any sub if it is lasting for longer. Partially it seemed to be caused due to high energy when the girlfriend of my neighbour were at his place (sniper?). I don't know if this is something that can be fixed but I wanted to mention
- Gender neutrality: I don't think this is causing issues at all but it also prevents from optimizing the sub for men. So I would suggest to make this sub for men only (the future version for couples may not need that much optimizing so it could stay universal) and adding some kind of "core-masculinity-module" which would strenghts the basic masculinity in every man and add some dominance for these who like submissive women.
So far for now.
With Version A something changed and I didn't notice the negativity anymore but it's not like I got results. I feel good in a certain way, somehow....cozy.... and I feel like I could stay all the day long in bed and dream. Not really interested in anything. I feel more like "Develop a Zen Attidude" than anything else and this is not why I started this sub. Had two dreams I remember, the first one was about a toilet full of shit. I read that it could mean financial prosperity on a material level as well as getting rid of shit on psychological level (this was on B). The second one was about a family member having a brain tumor which made me instantly cry after waking up (on A).
I am thinking a lot about running AM again as I am really missing the strength I got from (I encountered several situations where I felt helpless, like a baby, so I think there is a part of me which got stuck in early childhood) but I am somehow feeling guilty because Shannon put so much work into this sub and build so many versions and I still can't get to the goal, not even close to. I also notice that there is an instance in me which want to get the permission to run AM instead of DMSI even if I know I don't need a permission from anyone to run another sub.
Here some thoughts I have had:
- Insomnia: This is something that can bring me to stop any sub if it is lasting for longer. Partially it seemed to be caused due to high energy when the girlfriend of my neighbour were at his place (sniper?). I don't know if this is something that can be fixed but I wanted to mention
- Gender neutrality: I don't think this is causing issues at all but it also prevents from optimizing the sub for men. So I would suggest to make this sub for men only (the future version for couples may not need that much optimizing so it could stay universal) and adding some kind of "core-masculinity-module" which would strenghts the basic masculinity in every man and add some dominance for these who like submissive women.
So far for now.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
