Jakes DMSI 3.2B - *Closed!*

[Jake2015]

Friday 30th March 2018 - (35-1.4A)
Time: 6.29pm
Listening to loop as I type this update.

AMMEDNUM: Loop finished (6.49pm) - no tiredness nothing. Dont even feel as if ive listened to the loop lol. Is this what all of you on A are feeling too?

I slept early yesterday at 10pm (had no caffeine) due to being tired all day from waking super early.
I woke at 2am. I woke from a dream.
The dream had nothing to do with girls, and cant remember it now but it was to do with my family and investments :/

I remembered this dream but immediately fear entered my mind and I went into OVERDRIVE whilst awake imagining a truly scary scenario. Its hard to explain, but I woke, recalled I had a dream and what it was and then whilst awake and waking in the dark and on my phone (I surf, dont we all when we wake lol) and suddenly the scariest thought/movie entered my mind and took a while to kick out.

AMMENDUM: the scenario was not to do with investments or family, but this scary scenario was to do with my IMMEDIATE safety at that time of the night.

It was a scenario of something scary people, and it was in my head and I couldnt shake it (though it was a fantasy) but it freaked me out for around 5mins that it played in my head. Felt like 5 good solid minutes anyway. I dont want to go into any details though.

Anyway then I was awake on my phone or the bathroom or both lol until around 5am when I fell back to sleep and woke at 7.15am to get to uni for 8am. No further dreams were remembered.

I do feel I think less anxiety. I am not sure if this is DMSI or if its due to not being around the 2 stupid scar bitches too or simply not being in uni for a week.

Regarding super bitches, my friend came over "yesterday" and basically told me in a silly scary backward fucked up way that theyre asking about me he found out which is fucked up since I had cleared it with 1 that I was gnna move to another group with this said friend and the other teacher I avoided but went to the head of the department (or atleast she was the head) and she said she will sort it and I can move.

My friend anyway discussed it with me and I came up with a smart plan once again to deal with this situation next week. He left and I was left anxious. Not heavily but yeah a little and I think maybe DMSI has reduced my anxiety.

Again I cannot be sure and I seem to not be great at observing my own negative feelings inside, but in time we shall see.

Back to today so thats been about it really. I went to the hospital to get a letter to say I had missed uni for the burns I had incase super bitch and bitch need some proof however it was a wasted journey and a costly journey since the doctor wasnt in, and would be in at 7pm late shift - so fuck that im going to see him on monday and no idea if hes in or not so will have to chance it. The point of this story is that I was a little annoyed. I wasnt alot though just mildly annoyed but im usually a positive guy anyway so this with DMSI may have reduced my anger perhaps.


Now I cant remember and cba to check, if I mentioned yesterday that I have been invited to a meal tomorrow with this said friend to the home of a good friend (yes I didnt mention cos I said I dont fancy her) and her and out mutual friend - the fight girl - will be there. Snapchat girl will also be there. Pots girl however is also going hahah so she will be there as will her now ex-bf who's also my friend and 2 other girls both of whom arent in my social circle but are amicable to me. So from a small party its become a larger party which I do prefer as I was worried I may get bored or be unable to carry the party along. Cant always be in a party mood but I do end up being sociable when amongst people.

So if DMSI can aura the fuck out of these girls and this whole group then awesome!! - wishful thinking I know since all im noticing so far for sure is no fapping cos hey im not fapping hahah but beyond that nothing else is concretely observable.

I am not watching porn, but I am still going to porn site to see if pornchat girl had come online yet and to simply favourite/bookmark porn to my porn account to watch later - which since im not watching porn or fapping isnt happening.

My desire to fap has reduced alot and my desire to watch porn has reduced or gone. I will be downloading shed load of porn that ive got trrnt files for but again this is for the future where I would love to be married and share my porn with the love of my life but hey thats just a fantasy for now.

Anyway 35days of no fap.

I also have become super conscious of my hair loss because it seems more hair has been lost. I have therefore been basically commanded by mum to stop the onion juice plan, as this may have exasperated the loss. I will however now have to turn to another option which is apply a combo of hair oil and massage and do a 5min scalp brush daily, twice a day ideally if I can. This is 1 reason im listening early to the loop and updating my journal, so that I can then go apply the oil combo. - will it work, we shall see.

Nothing else to report. Procrastination is the same at the moment. I have to re-focus on my goals as stated in earlier posts.

thanks