03-30-2018, 02:49 AM
The I don't care mentality has popped up several times. Got to be careful with that one. Not caring enough causes me to lose focus and it's a convenient excuse not to execute. Fear based, it's like goals are squashed right out the gate in the form of apathy. Not just girls though, everything in my life. The "oh well that won't truly bring me happiness" mentality. Writing off things that are difficult or too different by assuming I know what the result will be.
An example right here. I've been really putting my head down and working on music even when I'm tired or depressed or frustrated. But then I had one of those thoughts that was like "you're working too hard, besides the only way you'll make this a lifestyle is if you become mainstream and sell out". For real though, my music isn't great and I'm not delusional. But my biggest issue is not just throwing out everything. I see it all the time, the really creative artists are overshadowed by the loud obnoxious heavily marketed artists. Turning this music into a lifestyle has more to do about selling a product than true artistic integrity. I'm just trying to reconcile that in my head. I'm not really content with keeping it as a hobby because that doesn't give me enough time to pursue it. This is going to sound like I'm full of myself, but I wouldn't be comfortable with fame or being well known. And honestly I want to change that because I've lived too much of my life taking pride in being overly humble to the point where it's really just me having a fear of success. At the end of the day I'm not shooting for fame, but it seems like that's a result of making good art.
An example right here. I've been really putting my head down and working on music even when I'm tired or depressed or frustrated. But then I had one of those thoughts that was like "you're working too hard, besides the only way you'll make this a lifestyle is if you become mainstream and sell out". For real though, my music isn't great and I'm not delusional. But my biggest issue is not just throwing out everything. I see it all the time, the really creative artists are overshadowed by the loud obnoxious heavily marketed artists. Turning this music into a lifestyle has more to do about selling a product than true artistic integrity. I'm just trying to reconcile that in my head. I'm not really content with keeping it as a hobby because that doesn't give me enough time to pursue it. This is going to sound like I'm full of myself, but I wouldn't be comfortable with fame or being well known. And honestly I want to change that because I've lived too much of my life taking pride in being overly humble to the point where it's really just me having a fear of success. At the end of the day I'm not shooting for fame, but it seems like that's a result of making good art.
INFP
