03-29-2018, 05:55 AM
Day 2 3.2 A 1 loop
Last night before bed the mental activity was high. I kept revisiting little things that pissed me off. The whole toxity in my life goin round, basically a loop feeding into itself.
It was tempting to not run just a loop to get this stuff being done with, yet I didnt and managed to get some sleep.
This morning I woke up and ran my loop. Not long into it, the violent anger popped up again. A is great tho. Feeling great now, incredible sexy yet having some avoidance patterns poppin up. Its prolly resistance. I have high hopes that A will deal with this. B side was drilling through already when I ran it, before I started A.
At the gym it was like ebb and flow. Seeing where I could be, magnificent. Only to dive back into it. From being reactive to the memories and flashbacks, only to swing to full self assuredness and back.
When I look in the mirror, its incredible how sexy I look. My hair is somewhat handled, yet without product. Combed only and its looking so good. Bit fuller/thicker and softer. My skin seems to glow and my resting face looks increfible sexy
At the gym, I was more touchy with G. Fumbling fingers. When we parted she reminded me for boxing tomorrow. I didnt promise her anything, and gave her a smile. It was like a bf/gf kind of vibe comin from her. She was beamin/smilin strongly.
Walked out of the gym, crossed paths with another woman who was directly looking down. Didnt say anything, didnt care. Yet, it was like those anime moments, when a new mysterious guy enters the scene and time slows down.
Anyway, the reactionairy patterns are radical. It reminds me of pre-AM in which I was lashy. Very ptsd like. Reading in the topic about SM3 and how one can become a deviant sexual person, dark, I recignize it in myself. I wanted to shred the toxic woman that comes to mind ( E ) to shreds. Like, destroying in the literal sense, unsparingly. When it truly kicks off, it does makes me worry due the intensity. I did notice some energy in my chest spreading, so I wonder if it isnt something else, like misunderstanding something.
At times, im internally silent and fully present. E.c is becoming almost pure consciousness. In the shower had an experience of something/someone stepping in, and all clicked, like, being carried. With the latest developments and experiences, this isnt that alien to me, but very confirming. Psychic communication and focus is almost instant and im loving it to bits!
Watching Grant Cardone on being the boss now. Its synchronistic once again. Also, investment and how to set boundaries. Im definitely to tolerant, atleast, it seems so. Im willingly to go where DMSI is leading me to.
Last night before bed the mental activity was high. I kept revisiting little things that pissed me off. The whole toxity in my life goin round, basically a loop feeding into itself.
It was tempting to not run just a loop to get this stuff being done with, yet I didnt and managed to get some sleep.
This morning I woke up and ran my loop. Not long into it, the violent anger popped up again. A is great tho. Feeling great now, incredible sexy yet having some avoidance patterns poppin up. Its prolly resistance. I have high hopes that A will deal with this. B side was drilling through already when I ran it, before I started A.
At the gym it was like ebb and flow. Seeing where I could be, magnificent. Only to dive back into it. From being reactive to the memories and flashbacks, only to swing to full self assuredness and back.
When I look in the mirror, its incredible how sexy I look. My hair is somewhat handled, yet without product. Combed only and its looking so good. Bit fuller/thicker and softer. My skin seems to glow and my resting face looks increfible sexy
At the gym, I was more touchy with G. Fumbling fingers. When we parted she reminded me for boxing tomorrow. I didnt promise her anything, and gave her a smile. It was like a bf/gf kind of vibe comin from her. She was beamin/smilin strongly.
Walked out of the gym, crossed paths with another woman who was directly looking down. Didnt say anything, didnt care. Yet, it was like those anime moments, when a new mysterious guy enters the scene and time slows down.
Anyway, the reactionairy patterns are radical. It reminds me of pre-AM in which I was lashy. Very ptsd like. Reading in the topic about SM3 and how one can become a deviant sexual person, dark, I recignize it in myself. I wanted to shred the toxic woman that comes to mind ( E ) to shreds. Like, destroying in the literal sense, unsparingly. When it truly kicks off, it does makes me worry due the intensity. I did notice some energy in my chest spreading, so I wonder if it isnt something else, like misunderstanding something.
At times, im internally silent and fully present. E.c is becoming almost pure consciousness. In the shower had an experience of something/someone stepping in, and all clicked, like, being carried. With the latest developments and experiences, this isnt that alien to me, but very confirming. Psychic communication and focus is almost instant and im loving it to bits!
Watching Grant Cardone on being the boss now. Its synchronistic once again. Also, investment and how to set boundaries. Im definitely to tolerant, atleast, it seems so. Im willingly to go where DMSI is leading me to.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
