03-27-2018, 09:51 AM
Trying to keep this up to date as possible but my body and mind want me away from procrastination so this forum has been out of sight and out of mind.
I'll post some observations for the internal and then external.
Internal:
My body is wanting to change a lot. I recently got some beta blockers for my anxiety and adrenal fatigue and they've been working a treat. My mind is no longer a negative marching band, thumping through the hours of the day. Now it's more like a silent mime. Still there if you give it enough attention but not trying as hard to take over.
I've found myself gipping and dry heaving randomly and one night I even threw up some tea I drank 10 minutes prior. Didn't feel ill or sick or anything. Wonder if this has something to do with the anti bulimia thing or just a purge.
I can't masturbate to my imagination or fantasy anymore. I've been on and off with fapping but it's been better than it was before I started. Last time I fapped it wasn't satisfying and now my body is wanting my to get outside to achieve my goals. This brings me to the external.
External:
So Friday night I decided to go to a club. ALONE..
Which I never do. Before the subs you'd have to beg and wheedle me to go out and that had to be on specific occasions.
This time I just said "fuck it." and set off on my lonesome. I had a good night in a rocky/punkish club. Here are some highlights
So I ended up without any that night but it was still a lot of fun. I try to limit my alcohol level for the night so I don't overdo it.
Thinking of going out again tonight. Which is very very very not like the old me at all.
That's all for now. Catch up later.
I'll post some observations for the internal and then external.
Internal:
My body is wanting to change a lot. I recently got some beta blockers for my anxiety and adrenal fatigue and they've been working a treat. My mind is no longer a negative marching band, thumping through the hours of the day. Now it's more like a silent mime. Still there if you give it enough attention but not trying as hard to take over.
I've found myself gipping and dry heaving randomly and one night I even threw up some tea I drank 10 minutes prior. Didn't feel ill or sick or anything. Wonder if this has something to do with the anti bulimia thing or just a purge.
I can't masturbate to my imagination or fantasy anymore. I've been on and off with fapping but it's been better than it was before I started. Last time I fapped it wasn't satisfying and now my body is wanting my to get outside to achieve my goals. This brings me to the external.
External:
So Friday night I decided to go to a club. ALONE..
Which I never do. Before the subs you'd have to beg and wheedle me to go out and that had to be on specific occasions.
This time I just said "fuck it." and set off on my lonesome. I had a good night in a rocky/punkish club. Here are some highlights
- Had people, mostly girls, constantly nudge past me or rub up next to me all night.
- Had head turns and attention from people most of the night.
- Danced with a lot of girls who, the least attractive were wanting me attention and the most were trying to tease/flirt
- Went around asking everyone how their nights were as a form of social proofing
- Got hit on by a guy...
- One girl wanted to dance with me, did so, then refused any touching, hugged me, said thanks and left
- There was a very attractive girl dancing with me, then said had to get back to BF than left
So I ended up without any that night but it was still a lot of fun. I try to limit my alcohol level for the night so I don't overdo it.
Thinking of going out again tonight. Which is very very very not like the old me at all.
That's all for now. Catch up later.
