03-23-2018, 02:48 PM
Debating if I'm going to run A or keep going with B. I was pretty insistent at the start that healing doesn't do much, but I'm gonna have to eat those words now. Had a moment today where I realized my compulsive need to get things right stems mostly from fear. And it's a fear I developed in childhood because of my dad. I wasn't the quickest on my feet as a kid and I was always a bit clumsy. So when my dad asked me to do something and I didn't get it right he'd get sort of frustrated and impatient. That happened a lot. Eventually I realized if I tried really hard to do everything right I wouldn't upset my dad. I don't blame him for anything, this was all me internalizing this survival pattern. But man if it didn't wreck my life.
So that being said, I don't know if this was B pushing me towards this realization or it's the future effects of A healing childhood memories and emotions.
That's about it for now. One more thing though. It's an older track but I just started getting into this artist.
There's a lot of snobbery surrounding music and I was afraid to expand from what I knew as far as music goes. And because I was really into music production there's a lot of elitists jerks on forums who wave their opinions around like fact. But anyway I never would have listened to this kind of stuff a year ago. But she's a really good producer, not just in a technical sense but just doing her own thing and being unique. In a way I still think I'm held back by the opinions of others on some level because life shouldn't be this anxiety filled when trying to explore different things. I guess it goes back to getting stuff wrong as a kid. Except trying to get everything right pretty much just kills my self expression and who I am as a person.
So that being said, I don't know if this was B pushing me towards this realization or it's the future effects of A healing childhood memories and emotions.
That's about it for now. One more thing though. It's an older track but I just started getting into this artist.
There's a lot of snobbery surrounding music and I was afraid to expand from what I knew as far as music goes. And because I was really into music production there's a lot of elitists jerks on forums who wave their opinions around like fact. But anyway I never would have listened to this kind of stuff a year ago. But she's a really good producer, not just in a technical sense but just doing her own thing and being unique. In a way I still think I'm held back by the opinions of others on some level because life shouldn't be this anxiety filled when trying to explore different things. I guess it goes back to getting stuff wrong as a kid. Except trying to get everything right pretty much just kills my self expression and who I am as a person.
INFP
