03-11-2018, 07:25 AM
Day 2 1 loop cycle 2
Last few days have been kind of eventfull. The desire to be more self made and hooking up grows. Im breaking out of patterns that dont help me progress to the goal of the program. I like to socialize and having things fall into place.
Im growing in keeping my home more ready.
I notice the effect of having the chemical altering my mind and im scrapping it whole. Masturbation, caffeine, other chemical stuff. Im going straight edge. In fact this makes me feel more desired. Being totally sober off those things shows a deep contrast. When clean from nicotine, caffeine and all of that, the aura flows richly, im on point and uninhibited. When not Im feeling more down.
The aura is mostly present and always around. Like the warmth when you look in a heat spot and feel it oozing.
When close with "N" my hands warm up. She looks more beautiful for some reason yet pedestals are kicked out and I shift to an strong IDGAF like women lose all beauty instantly, specialty gone, an nature taking over. Such as with V.
Yesterday celeb effect was on. I was outgoing and flowing. Women waving everywhere, kids mesmerized in groups. People taking note. Yesterday evening I went out with some people. One older women started talking my ears off. Grabbing me, face against mine, almost like violent sex with clothes on in public.
I dislike it when people point suddenly shit out like they suddenly discovered water. One of the guys went all "you always attract milfs blabla *giving uncollicised advice* like it was something alien. Fuck him ffs. Anyways, she was with some business group. Place was packed. But she almost ate me alive. She later realized that I didnt belong to her company. I tought she was drunk due her barrage of energy and bodylanguage, grabbing me. I notice that I tought that I could pull the mom of those sons few meters apart from us lol. It stands out.
Then we went outside for a bit. Group of guys, easy to talk with. Another guy came with his blond girl and she directly positioned herself in my space, like slightly in a daze and could see her blue eyes deeply. It was subconsciously that I felt strong magnetism. She was blond, red lipstick, pretty cute. I had some drinks ( not alcohol ) but did had a cig which, noticably caused derail. Dont want to give to much power to external factors.
Anyway. When sober, 90% of people give strong IOIs and Im on point. When having a smoke, it seems lesser.
Lots of hairflips, make outs in my direct vicinity. Wonder if the aura make people around me horny.
Im already more and more put off by cigs and am going straight edge.
Internal confidence rises. My bodylanguage and walk increase. The chubby girl of the gasstation is eating my presence up. When engaging with "N", "M" is highly demanding my attention. Something I notice is dividing my attention somewhat. Oh the struggle.
So...im having now my finances more tight. Im clearing up my place. Im cutting out chemicals. Im diconnrcting from my mind, which makes me very present and unstoppable.
Things to work at but feels not enough.
This week Ill be pure DMSI driven.
Lets do it.
Stay golden.
Last few days have been kind of eventfull. The desire to be more self made and hooking up grows. Im breaking out of patterns that dont help me progress to the goal of the program. I like to socialize and having things fall into place.
Im growing in keeping my home more ready.
I notice the effect of having the chemical altering my mind and im scrapping it whole. Masturbation, caffeine, other chemical stuff. Im going straight edge. In fact this makes me feel more desired. Being totally sober off those things shows a deep contrast. When clean from nicotine, caffeine and all of that, the aura flows richly, im on point and uninhibited. When not Im feeling more down.
The aura is mostly present and always around. Like the warmth when you look in a heat spot and feel it oozing.
When close with "N" my hands warm up. She looks more beautiful for some reason yet pedestals are kicked out and I shift to an strong IDGAF like women lose all beauty instantly, specialty gone, an nature taking over. Such as with V.
Yesterday celeb effect was on. I was outgoing and flowing. Women waving everywhere, kids mesmerized in groups. People taking note. Yesterday evening I went out with some people. One older women started talking my ears off. Grabbing me, face against mine, almost like violent sex with clothes on in public.
I dislike it when people point suddenly shit out like they suddenly discovered water. One of the guys went all "you always attract milfs blabla *giving uncollicised advice* like it was something alien. Fuck him ffs. Anyways, she was with some business group. Place was packed. But she almost ate me alive. She later realized that I didnt belong to her company. I tought she was drunk due her barrage of energy and bodylanguage, grabbing me. I notice that I tought that I could pull the mom of those sons few meters apart from us lol. It stands out.
Then we went outside for a bit. Group of guys, easy to talk with. Another guy came with his blond girl and she directly positioned herself in my space, like slightly in a daze and could see her blue eyes deeply. It was subconsciously that I felt strong magnetism. She was blond, red lipstick, pretty cute. I had some drinks ( not alcohol ) but did had a cig which, noticably caused derail. Dont want to give to much power to external factors.
Anyway. When sober, 90% of people give strong IOIs and Im on point. When having a smoke, it seems lesser.
Lots of hairflips, make outs in my direct vicinity. Wonder if the aura make people around me horny.
Im already more and more put off by cigs and am going straight edge.
Internal confidence rises. My bodylanguage and walk increase. The chubby girl of the gasstation is eating my presence up. When engaging with "N", "M" is highly demanding my attention. Something I notice is dividing my attention somewhat. Oh the struggle.
So...im having now my finances more tight. Im clearing up my place. Im cutting out chemicals. Im diconnrcting from my mind, which makes me very present and unstoppable.
Things to work at but feels not enough.
This week Ill be pure DMSI driven.
Lets do it.
Stay golden.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
