The roller coaster ride continuous. Woke up feeling quite angry and frustrated but at the same time feeling a sense of inner power, this has lead to me wanting to get s*** sorted out. Massive cleanup and a desire to develop some good habits (gym, reading/learning etc) and not just sit around. Have noticed my mum has been trying to pull me down as much as possible today "your brother is married why aren't you", "your other brother has his own business what are you doing with your life" (I have a relatively high powered career dealing with executives all day and earn a pretty good six figure salary) , "so and so own a house why don't you" and so on. I just walked away and didn't argue, don't have time for that sort of negativity in my life. I've noticed in the past she has done this whenever she has sensed I'm changing and she doesn't have the same grip of control so this is definitely a good sign. Have not heard from the girl from the other week and have zero desire still to contact her, have also not been noticing any external results today but that may be just due to the fact I'm angry and frustrated.
With WM found it was quite different it pushed me to be social even though I felt some anxiety, I remember going away to Bali not long after finishing and was able to develop some great friendships there with people I had never met before (I only knew one person in our group) and even though I felt anxiety to a degree socializing just happened anyway and felt way more natural and real and full of passion if that makes sense. The socializing side has grown a lot since WM and can now have small talk with random strangers with no anxiety what so ever and without alcohol, still struggle with the developing friendships part but I am hoping that will come more over time. DMSI I've found is quite different so far I'm starting to feel less anxiety but at the same time I don't talk so much because I feel no need to.
With WM found it was quite different it pushed me to be social even though I felt some anxiety, I remember going away to Bali not long after finishing and was able to develop some great friendships there with people I had never met before (I only knew one person in our group) and even though I felt anxiety to a degree socializing just happened anyway and felt way more natural and real and full of passion if that makes sense. The socializing side has grown a lot since WM and can now have small talk with random strangers with no anxiety what so ever and without alcohol, still struggle with the developing friendships part but I am hoping that will come more over time. DMSI I've found is quite different so far I'm starting to feel less anxiety but at the same time I don't talk so much because I feel no need to.
The only person in life that can ever hold you back is yourself. So get out of your own way and start living the life you always dreamed of
