Jakes DMSI 3.2B - *Closed!*

[Jake2015]

Day 8 - Update

Time is now 2.50pm
I will listen to day 8's loop around 9pm to stick with the protocol of 1 listen every 24hrs to maintain ARSB.

So why am I here so early to post?
I wanted to just include anything that can be of value to me, looking back as well as for Shannon and you all.

So slept around 1am. I woke at 12, therefore around 11hour sleep.

I did wake at 7.30am, but no 8am starts today therefore went back to sleep.

I have now at 2.52pm finally had a wash, got dressed and came to make breakfast but first here.

I feel refreshed obviously and will have a large breakfast, it is Saaturday afterall.

I have been wondering whether DMSI is working since even today upon waking ,I have lost the desire and drive to fap. I have also lost the drive today to care about porn.

I dont seem to give a shit, neither care about women but I know this last one is a lie since I today became very conscious of how I look and more so about my weight.

I havent heard from the personal trainer I had found here (I think I mentioned this guy in my last thread which was about MLS).

Anyway so I messaged him as I want him to simply give me my macros, no idea how to calculate this as well as then help me work out how best to use protein shakes as I aim to exercise twice a day.

I have to and need to work on my physical image and also on my studying. Women will come, but without these I feel my life will be delayed even further.

I dont enjoy sex, I am putting it out there, i seem to enjoy masturbation and the chase. The chasing of women is what I enjoy and the love from a woman, that is that she wants and desires me, but cuddling and kissing is way more better than sex, cos honestly nobody can beat fapping lol

so anyway I also had time to reflect on how I seem to let weekends come and I desire to just recharge and stay in my apartment and not go out or even go and be with people and friends.

This comes from the belief that I am either wasting time or that there is no time.

I have no idea if the the subs work on these self perpetuating negative beliefs but I hope they do.

That being said, I also feel that the effects of DMSI -B , if indeed are working for me and on me seem to be alot slower than they are for others.

I believe from my understanding this could be due to:

1) I have never ran a DMSI and thus others that have are a few rungs up the proverbial ladder and thus are able to see the effects quicker

or

2) that im going at the pace that is right for me, which seems more like E2 than DMSI-B.

there is also the option of (3) which is that im stonewalling but am I? I have no idea to tell yet, and this is the fear that I have since I do not want to stonewall at all.

I therefore have today out of this fear felt rejected and perhaps at a dead end in that perhaps I will indeed have to go onto DMSI -A in the hope that it will break my inner issues and stop me from stonewalling.

If I am not stonewalling then going on to track A still cannot be a bad thing in that it will hopefully clear my inner issues so that I can work on the other branches of cleared issues, such as procrastination and self image (physique, diet etc) and most of all stop myself from any form of self sabotage.

I do think that I am my worst enermy and my biggest obstacle and that all I do is self sabotage when you think about it which is what we all do to ourselves really.

Anyway feel free to offer what you all think as it helps me to know how to progress but yeah right now im feeling like im unsure whats working if it is and thus whether I should jump onto track A or not.

thanks - the loop 8 update will come later tonight - so time to go have my big breakfast