02-11-2018, 09:31 AM
I'm getting closer to internalizing that state where you don't play the game of life. The stuff that we've been conditioned to believe determines our self worth. I was talking with my brother yesterday and he was saying he needed to break his anxiety over getting straight A's in college. He's a good student, but ultimately in college all that matters is you learn the material and develop your capabilities. He shouldn't be stressing over getting a B on something. It goes back to middle school or high school. When a kid does poorly on a test or something, you just get that indirect message that the grade is bad and you're bad. It just pisses me off because school fosters such a goddamn sheep mentality and usually the people who excel are the ones who just follow instructions and obey the structure. But it doesn't stop at school. Adults are still subtly pressured into obeying this imagined structure of what life should be like.
I really admire people that never even succumbed to that pressure. They just followed a path from a young age and did things their way. I'm still trying. DMSI has gotten to the point for me where I just don't want to live with these stupid self imposed rules anymore. It's not even about finding a good career or doing something with my life anymore, it's about escaping this prison construct in my mind. I honestly believe that's been my life path so far, to transcend all the crap that blinds me to what life really is. I want to completely obliterate every thought or feeling that I was conditioned with growing up and build my own life from the ground up. That's the only way I'll be happy, anything else and I'll just continue to suffer while being painfully aware that there is something more out there I'm not experiencing.
I'm glad this forum exists because for the life of me I can't find other people in my life that hold this mentality. And when people ask you questions about what you're doing, how's life going, career plans, general life talk, it's damn near impossible to engage them in any way without them throwing some fear based excuses your way. It's like being dragged back down into the status quo and if your overall frame isn't strong enough it infects you like a virus. 90% of the time I feel incredibly pretentious about having these thoughts or talking about them with other people. But it's been this quiet rage building up over the years because it feels like I'm not able to be who I am, always being shoved into some nonsense I don't want to do or be a part of. I honestly can't tell sometimes if other people genuinely don't care about any of this or if their fear is buried so deep and the only way they feel better is pulling people down to their level. So here's to everyone on the forum looking for growth and trying to break away from all the BS put into our heads from society.
I really admire people that never even succumbed to that pressure. They just followed a path from a young age and did things their way. I'm still trying. DMSI has gotten to the point for me where I just don't want to live with these stupid self imposed rules anymore. It's not even about finding a good career or doing something with my life anymore, it's about escaping this prison construct in my mind. I honestly believe that's been my life path so far, to transcend all the crap that blinds me to what life really is. I want to completely obliterate every thought or feeling that I was conditioned with growing up and build my own life from the ground up. That's the only way I'll be happy, anything else and I'll just continue to suffer while being painfully aware that there is something more out there I'm not experiencing.
I'm glad this forum exists because for the life of me I can't find other people in my life that hold this mentality. And when people ask you questions about what you're doing, how's life going, career plans, general life talk, it's damn near impossible to engage them in any way without them throwing some fear based excuses your way. It's like being dragged back down into the status quo and if your overall frame isn't strong enough it infects you like a virus. 90% of the time I feel incredibly pretentious about having these thoughts or talking about them with other people. But it's been this quiet rage building up over the years because it feels like I'm not able to be who I am, always being shoved into some nonsense I don't want to do or be a part of. I honestly can't tell sometimes if other people genuinely don't care about any of this or if their fear is buried so deep and the only way they feel better is pulling people down to their level. So here's to everyone on the forum looking for growth and trying to break away from all the BS put into our heads from society.
INFP
